Hi,

I am sorry this happened to you. I hope you are doing okay. As some people like to say, don’t step down to his level. You might have taken a step too far by talking about his past but it is reasonable as he has been nothing short of a terrible man to you and other girls.

Don’t feel bad for him though, he knew what he was getting into and in fact he is probably not even faced by your words as we speak.  It seems he is not a very good person so he will forget about all this in a short time but you will keep playing all this is in your head over and over. It’s important you give time for yourself now and think about where you wanna go from here. It is all up to you but you seem to be a smart woman with sincere emotions so do what you think is best for yourself this time. It seems that you still care about what he thinks despite all his wrongdoings, and that is a sign that you loved him very much but if you are not ready to put up with a man like him anymore then let go and think only of yourself now.

Learn from this experience and hope you are able to forgive because you are only hurting yourself, I believe a person like him could not care less what others think of him or say to him since he has repeatedly hurt people and intends to continue doing so.

Dear Nienna:

What an intelligent, well written, captivating story.

I didn’t understand the magick you mentioned in the ninth paragraph.

He reads like the poster boy for non-monogamy. And that he is not trying to hide it, that he is honest in this regard: he is not monogamous.

In your last paragraph you wrote and asked: “out of my own anger and hurt… I threw his past in his face, I used his childhood trauma against him, and disrespected him… I have caused more hurt and pain… did I really do the right thing if it hurts and cuts this much???”

My answer: it is wrong to throw a person’s childhood trauma against the person. When a wrongdoing is done following a hurt, it doesn’t make the wrongdoing right. Expressing your anger at him would have been right, only not the way you have expressed it. The man doesn’t evoke a whole lot of my empathy following reading some of his behavior. On the other hand, when he was a child he was a victim of that childhood trauma you mentioned. That child needs to be honored, not disrespected.

Regarding the future or lack of future of this relationship, it doesn’t look promising because the man that he is, is no longer the child that he was, innocent, honest, loving.

anita