Did I lead myself on?

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This topic has 124 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 3 years, 5 months ago by Anonymous.

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December 26, 2018 at 6:05 am #270941

H
Participant

Hi Anita

Yes that’s right- a lot of messages about my problems. I would ask him how he was. We had an argument on Friday night, he was very and nearly stopped talking to me. He told me the whole three years we had known each other it was one sided.

We semi resolved it on Saturday and had a one message exchange on Sunday morning. I then sent a follow up message on Sunday evening asking him how he was etc, and then another message yesterday wishing him merry Xmas.

Thanks

December 26, 2018 at 6:36 am #270947

Anonymous
Guest

Dear H:

How about this apology message: I am so sorry, I realize that in these past three years, our communications have been about me, one sided, like you said, almost always. I wish I made it also about you, I wish I gave you the time and attention that you needed. I want to correct this, if you give me a chance, and make our future communication about you and not just about me.

Will you give me this chance?

– something like this, what do you think?

anita

December 26, 2018 at 6:47 am #270951

H
Participant

I can definitely add that bit on to what I’ve wrote! Thanks for that. I don’t want it to come across as a letter, considering my recent confession that I had feelings for him.

The thing I wrote is quite long and basically just thanks him for being there for me as a friend. He already said we need some space as I’m quite dependent on him…Should I just send it now or wait it out until he replies? Don’t want to lose him by sending him more messages.

December 26, 2018 at 7:03 am #270955

Anonymous
Guest

Dear H:

You are very welcome.

The apology message should be short. Regarding the timing of the short, yet sincere apology message, I’d say it is better that you wait a f ew days, maybe till New Year, suggesting the two-sided friendship for the new year, 2019.

anita

December 26, 2018 at 7:08 am #270957

H
Participant

Hi Anita

Thank you, you’ve helped a lot.

I’ll wait a few days and then send it

Thanks!

December 26, 2018 at 8:00 am #270963

Anonymous
Guest

You are welcome, H. I hope you post again, let me know what happens next, and Happy New Year to you!

anita

December 26, 2018 at 9:53 am #271003

H
Participant

Thanks Anita! Happy New year to you to! I’ll definitely let you know, just hoping for the best now. H

December 26, 2018 at 12:50 pm #271059

H
Participant

Also should I mention something about how I spent time with him because I enjoyed it and not because I wanted something from him? I know we’ve argued before because my over thinking but don’t want him to think I forced myself to do it

December 27, 2018 at 8:24 am #271131

Anonymous
Guest

Dear H:

No, I wouldn’t add that part, it is argumentative. And it is not true. The truth, seems to me, is that you “wanted something from him” and you enjoyed communicating with him. What you want to add to your message that you didn’t want something from him, suggesting it is one or the other.

anita

December 27, 2018 at 4:56 pm #271181

H
Participant

Hi Anita

I understand, I’ll leave that part out especially if it’s argumentative. Hmm initially I actually didn’t want anything from him but a friendship. I was doing a PhD and just wanted to focus on that. He had just come out of a long relationship, so I guess we just went with it as it was fun

December 28, 2018 at 5:26 am #271241

Anonymous
Guest

Dear H:

“initially I actually didn’t want anything from him but a friendship”- then you wanted something else, what we want changes with time and circumstances. If you define to yourself (here, if you want), what it is that you want now from him, that will help. When you are clear about what you want now in any area, that increases your chances to get that which you want.

anita

December 28, 2018 at 8:32 am #271273

H
Participant

Hi Anita

Right now I just want him to talk to me and just carry on being friends. I ended up panicking and sending him the message I wrote yesterday but I’m just being careful not to send anymore

December 28, 2018 at 9:46 am #271289

Anonymous
Guest

Dear H:

You panicked yesterday, meaning you perceived a danger. What was the danger?

anita

December 28, 2018 at 10:10 am #271297

H
Participant

Hi Anita

Sounds silly but I saw that he had liked a picture of a girl on instagram…then thoughts went wild so I ended up sending the message. I got upset that he wasn’t talking to me but on instagram. Had a mad moment I admit! Severe anxiety problems

December 28, 2018 at 10:17 am #271299

Michelle
Participant

H – I feel like there is something more going on with this situation than just you wanting to maintain a friendship with this man. Is there? Do you have other people in your life? Is there loneliness? From the outside looking in, I feel you have an unhealthy obsession with him. Based on what you wrote, I feel he has set some boundaries with you (by not responding to messages and clearly indicating he does not want a relationship) and you continue to inundate him with them. Why is that? I feel taking a break from your phone and the messaging would be best for right now. Let him respond. Let him take the next steps. You can’t force or push him. It may end up scaring him.

As you initially wrote, you have never met this man. I feel there is an unhealthy element of fantasy involved on your part that needs to be looked at. What could the root causes of that be?
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