Kylee,

I believe in order to live an authentic life is to live by your own values, not for someone else’s.  You are not put on this earth to live another person’s life or to their expectations of you, not to tip toe around someone else’s feelings for we are responsible for our own feelings.

You identified as not having self confidence and feeling guilty.  It comes down to loving yourself.  That’s an ongoing practice to do.

We All Deserve to Receive What We Need (and It’s Not Selfish)

Mark

Hi Kylee,

I struggled with this same idea for a very long time – taking care of myself while helping other people, meeting their needs and making them happy.  I found myself trying oh so hard to make people happy.  The problem was that I was doing it to make them happy…which worked sometimes and sometimes it didn’t. How many times have you done something for someone – out of the goodness of your heart – only to have them criticize something about the way you did it, or how it turned out?  Or to not respond the way you were hoping they would? Frustrating, isn’t it?

Somewhere along the line, I figured out that I was approaching this concept the wrong way.  What I needed to do was find the joy and happiness for myself in doing something for anyone.  That has made all the difference.  For my kids, I find happiness in taking care of them, helping them and doing things for them.  That doesn’t mean I don’t get exhausted or say “ugh, not this again.”  But I get much joy in helping my kids.

Moving to the outer circle, if a friend asks me to do something, my first instinct is to ask myself “where do I find my happiness in doing this?”  I need to be able to answer honestly about where the joy comes in when helping or doing something for or with a friend.

Moving further out, if a stranger asks for help, it is the same concept:  Where do I find my happiness in doing this?

Some might call that selfish – that I only do things if I get some benefit from it, whether it is tangible or intangible.  But for me, this has brought me peace and zero guilt.

Airene

• This reply was modified 6 years ago by Airene.

You are welcome, Kylee. Anytime.

anita