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May 31, 2017 at 10:23 am #151384
AnnieParticipantI’ve worked with a company for about 10 years. I love my job. They are just up the road from my house and 98% of the people are fantastic to work with…. but this new guy is going to be the death of me. I
Here’s an example: I’m in the art department and part of my responsibilities is to maintain our online catalog. I mentioned in passing that I need to talk to the boss about a new hosting system for the catalog. And he jumps in ‘well, I can take care of that’ and I politely decline. The boss and I have already discussed it, it’s no problem, and it’s my responsibility (he’s in marketing and has no business whatsoever touching the project). And he keeps pushing and pushing with “I’m trying to help”…
And I snap at him. -__-
Like – I’m am a pretty laid-back person. I treat others with respect and compassion. I hate confrontation and 100% non-violent. I’m great at forgiving and laughing off problems. I try very much to be a good Buddhist.
…but this dude is my kryptonite. I try to tell myself that he means well, but I don’t believe that it’s true. He’s a pot stirrer. If you mention anything to him about someone else in passing, he goes straight to that person to share the gossip and relishes in taking this little weasel face to the boss’ office with every little thing. He tries to mansplain everything, including subjects he knows nothing about. He tries to take over projects and won’t take ‘no’ for an answer. If you try and vent or think out loud, he tries to “fix” it. He wants to “fix” everything… meanwhile he neglects his own workload.
He. Drives. Me. NUTS! Like, he opens his mouth and I just want to scream at him forever. He walks in and the entire vibe of the art department changes.
My question is, how do I keep my crap together? How do I maintain my values as a Buddhist and still interact with this person?
May 31, 2017 at 11:38 am #151406
AnonymousGuestDear Annie:
You wrote: “If you mention anything to him about someone else in passing, he goes straight to that person to share the gossip- don’t mention anything to him about someone else.
You wrote: “If you try and vent or think out loud, he tries to ‘fix’ it”- don’t vent or think out loud when he is around.
You wrote: “I’m am a pretty laid-back person. I treat others with respect and compassion… I’m great at forgiving and laughing off problems”-
my further advice: behave with him differently than you behave with the other co-workers, not spontaneously but controlled and calculated. And don’t pressure or expect to feel compassion for him- if you manage to treat him respectfully, you are Buddhist-enough, I say.
anita
May 31, 2017 at 12:02 pm #151412
Alien incident47ParticipantHi Annie
I have been in situations like this and yes it annoying and you feel like he is trying to take control. Perhaps may be looking at it from a different point of view, may be helpful is hard driven and want to do all he can to make a good impression. You should have a talk with his boss and have them explain that his work should come first and that it is lacking. Which not a good way to impress higher ups . As far as the gossip go don’t do it around him which actually shouldn’t be done at work at all ,to avoid conflicts at work. I only the other hand just text a few coworkers that I can trust during the day if I want to vent frustrations .
May 31, 2017 at 1:10 pm #151436
PearceHawkParticipantHi Annie,
Being the “new guy” he has an agenda. He is trying to prove himself in such a way that does not and will not work. He’s looking for acceptance and validation for his role. Again his insecurity is being expressed in such a way that will not work. It looks like you have been at this company for a while and have a good longstanding relationship with your boss. I say email, text, call your boss and ask for a 30 minute meeting to discuss his approach. I can almost assure you that your boss is not witnessing his style. The important thing is to shut it down NOW before it gets metastatic and affects the whole department.
May 31, 2017 at 1:31 pm #151438AnnieParticipantThanks for the input all. 🙂
I’ve been trying to establish person boundaries around him but he catches me off guard sometimes. To clarify, I don’t speak about others at work, I’m usually on the receiving end of it. (ie so & so says your sooo slow, but I think they’re wrong [thus creating unnecessary conflict]) He uses it as manipulation of the art dept vs. the sales team. Last time I called him out on it, which felt crappy but he’s not done it since.
Stepping back and looking at the situation as a whole, you’re correct, he absolutely is trying to impress the people in the art department… in a weird, ladder-climby kind of way. Being a female in a corporate setting, I get defensive when a guy tries to take over projects which doesn’t help the situation at all.
I may speak to the boss because it’s getting a little out of hand.
Again, I really appreciate your input. Thank you
May 31, 2017 at 1:46 pm #151442PearceHawkParticipantIt never ceases to amaze me that adults behave in a way that we preach to children about not doing. Gossip is nothing but a cheap form of entertainment designed to cure boredom. I think less of a person who does not hesitate to step on others just to shore up their future request for advancement, making it look like they are cleaning house and making improvements. I say stay the course. I think you got this well under control.
June 1, 2017 at 9:48 am #151550AnonymousGuestDear Annie:
You are welcome. I read your clarification about the gossip, you being on the receiving end of it. Better the gossiping individuals stop their gossiping then. I hope talking to your boss will help!
anita
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