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Do I have bad luck in love or do I just suck at it?

HomeForumsRelationshipsDo I have bad luck in love or do I just suck at it?

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  • #151796
    Daniel
    Participant

    Hi everyone!, so I decided to register in this forum so I could get an advice on a problem than I am experiencing. So, for a long time I have been feeling like when it comes to dating and love I have no luck. I just turned 21, and I just had one serious relationship through my entire life and it was during high school.

    I personally do not tend to express interest on a person unless I am attracted to the girl (Ill try to be not too clingy and mantain balance). But the problem is that every time I find a girl that I find interesting, I end up “friendzoned” by these girls. It’s like I am either really good at getting friendzoned or I am really bad at relationships.

    I consider myself to be a really good conversationalist, I can socialize with people from all ages easily, and with the girls that I like I can hold an interesting conversation for hours. However, for some reason I always end up being “the very good friend” that she do not want to lose(Friendzoned). I also do not consider myself ugly as some of my friend girls and people tell me that I am quite handsome.

    In part I do feel that is kind of my fault as some of the girls that likes me I have no interest on them. Hence, it is really difficult for me to be affective at someone that I do not like (I really tried before). At this point of life I really feel like I will never have a stable relationship and end up alone for the rest of my life lol. Once again, thanks for any advice! Ill be more than happy to clarify things as much as I can!

    #151812
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Daniel:

    I don’t believe in persistent bad luck- possible, but highly unlikely (for example, the statistical chance of a coin you toss to land on its tail first time is 50%. The statistical chance for it landing on its tail ten times in a row is 0.09%, if I calculated correctly).

    So for me, bad luck is out as a reasonable possibility for your … unreasonable prediction that you may never have a stable relationship in your life.

    For other possibilities, I ask: did you express to the girls you like and who had friendzoned you, that you were interested in them as girlfriends? If so how and how did they respond?

    anita

    #151906
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Daniel:

    I have been reading your posts, and although I am quite a bit older than you..I share very similar issues. I have a very difficult time with relationships due to a very neglectful and traumatic childhood.

    An Alcoholic mother that would leave us alone, and although my Father loved me, he was physically and emotionally distant. He tried so hard to help my mother, but he had to travel so much for work, he had no idea when he left, the horror our mother put us through. Finally, the courts took the children away from her.

    By that time, I was six and was raised by a living family, but the damage had already been done and continues to haunt me in my adult life. I am in therapy, have mental illness and am in two 12 step recovery programs..still I gravitate toward turbulant, chaotic, short lived relationships, and when they end..I obsess and think about that person for months, maybe years. Then I joined social media sites..where men would want to friend me. I enjoyed the flattery and attention..but most of these men lived in different countries..I knew I would never meet them..maybe they were even catphishing me..I just enjoyed the feeling of intensity and being in love. I didn’t care if the relationship was healthyor not, because I am still trying to learn what a healthy relationship is.

    All I know is chaos, instability, intensity, from my childhood. I have an intense fear of rejection and perceived abandonment, and if I feel someone is distancing themselves, I will reject them first..out of fear. Its a sad way to live, but I keep working hard on my issues and therapy, and hope to one day have a stable and healthy relationship. Last September, I met yet, another man online. I fell so hard for him. I thought there was a future..or just idealized him. Then bickering started..jealousy on my part when he would friendother women and keep me hidden” on his profile, like he was embarrassed of me..me as I was quite a bit older than him, although I don’t look my age.

    He started growing distant toward me, and would go all day without talking to me except love you baby. I don’t think he ever loved me. To this day, I can’t get him out of my head. I know things would not work out, and I don’t want him back..but I feel nostalgic..and sometimes feel angry with him, because I know he was just using me to get to the states. I just miss the feelings I had when I was with him..the feelings of being “in love” I know he was not even probably romantically or physically interested in me. I get mad at myself about how stupid I was to fall for someone who was so awful to me, but that is all I am used to..crumbs. With God’s help, and my recovery..I hope to continue to heal, get over him, and be happy once again.

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