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Do I respond? What now?

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  • #351138
    liss
    Participant

    I’m so lost as to what to do.

    To make a long story short, I dated this guy for a good year last year. I saw myself marrying him. I saw a whole future with him. He ended up dumping me because he “fell out of love” with me back in October. We ended up trying to get back together in November only for him to tell me the truth in December. He had feelings for his girl best friend for a very long time. He ripped my heart out of my chest a second time. I told him to never contact me again.

    Fast forward a few months. I start to breathe easy again. I meet a new guy. I slowly start to let go of my ex. That was until about five days ago. My ex texts me. Telling me how unbelievably sorry he is for what he did to me because someone he was seeing left him for their ex. I feel like I’m back at square one. I was okay and now he has dug his claws into me yet again. It’s been on my mind for days now. I’m so lost.
    Part of me wants to respond and tell him that even though I don’t forgive him, I do appreciate the apology and I hope the universe finds him well. Another part of me screams no. Leave it alone. This man destroyed me. But I was also so madly in love with him too. I never saw a future with anyone until I met him. I don’t know what to do. Usually I look to the universe for advice. But everything is cloudy right now.

    Do I want to respond because I think I want closure or because I truly miss him? I’ve spiraled a few steps back and now I don’t know which way to step. I need some type of guidance because right now, I am not strong enough alone.

    #351304
    anita
    Participant

    Dear liss:

    It is interesting how you refer to a man with whom you had a supposed loving relationship,  as the violent creature  who did the following violent things to you:

    – “He ripped my heart out of my chest a second time”.

    – “he has dug his claws into me yet again”.

    – “This man destroyed me”.

    You asked for “some type of guidance right now, I am not strong enough alone”-

    No wonder you are not strong enough, having had  your heart ripped out of your chest twice and claws digging into you.

    He dumped you in Oct 2019, saying he fell out of love with you. In Dec he told you that he had feelings for another woman for a very long time, and in April 2020, after a separation of four months or so,  he texted you that he is sorry. As a result of this text, you are worse than being “back at square one”-  you “spiraled a few steps back”.

    My input: this guy is not as powerful as you feel that he is: he didn’t really reap your heart out of your chest, not literally and not figuratively. He is a young, immature man who is not ready for the type of relationship that you need. I understand that your feelings are intense, but don’t be fooled by your feelings: this guy is not a super power with claws digging into you, ripping your heart out of your chest and causing you, with one text, to spiral a few steps back.

    Relax best you can and think of this guy as .. a guy, just a guy, not more powerful than you, a girl. Do you see where I am going with this?

    anita

    #351312
    isabelle
    Participant

    Hello

     

    Personaly I would never accept it another time. I don’t really think he is sincere and for sure he doesn’t deserve your serious about having a long term relationship with him.

    #351468
    Valora
    Participant

    Hi Liss,

    It sort of sounds to me like the relationship he left you for didn’t end up panning out, so now he’s back with his tail between his legs, seeking the last person who found him desirable and didn’t reject him. He may be contacting you because he misses you and has regrets OR it may be because he wants to use you as a Band-Aid to cover his pain from the most recent right now so he’s telling you what he knows you’ll want to hear… especially if the breakup just happened. If you know you don’t want him back, you should probably just not respond. If you do respond (as I would because I have a hard time NOT responding), just keep your guard up and don’t fall for any sweet words. It’s possible he’s only saying them because of the emotional state he’s currently in due to rejection, and if he does mean them, he needs to prove them with action over time before he will deserve another chance (if you should decide you want to give him one).

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