okay, I would like to share with you my story, but I apologize in advance because my english probably won’t be the greatest:) so I was in a relationship for 2 years with a boy who I really deeply loved. He was jelaous so much, it caused a lot of fights in the beginning of the relationship, also we were both really emotional and explosive so when we fight, every fight turned into war whatever it was about. He was also often very anxious about people around him, like he would be very concerned about what people think and I was often having this feeling that he is thinking how everyone, whatever they do, say or think, are attacking him in some way, like he is afraid. I would say he could be paranoid sometimes. So I still don’t know was I having a narsicisstic boyfriend or a boyfriend with BPD or was he bipolar or just with a really difficult character, I’m not sure. But I was really good to him, I forgave him a lot, I was furious about everything he did and I showed it, because I’m all about sharing my feelings, but in the end I forgave him every bad thing he said to me, every paranoic, moody or jelaous scene he did that made me mad or cry. I never really walked away from him because I really loved the way we shared things, the way we talked and the way he promised me he will try to get better. We were really young, it was all about drinking with friends and going out together, which I loved also, but sometimes, when we got drunk, one of us would do or say some stupid things and we would also fight because of it. But both of us. After some time, he would repeat all the time how I should stop drinking and how I am agressive when i drink (which is not true, sometimes yes, but who isn’t? who does not once in sometime get over the board with alcohol and do something stupid?) I felt really bad. Because I did so much stuff, I wanted to go everywhere with him, every time we went somewhere it was because I organised or had it in mind, I worked and studied hard, did a lot of hobbies and was allways a positive and exited little girl who just wanted to be loved and hated to be judged. But even though I really like to fight for my rights, it was something else with this boy, I just stopped fighting and say okay, I won’t go out anymore, I won’t drink, I will be the greatest. But I didn’t realise at the time that I wasn’t doing anything wrong, I just wanted to have fun with him and friends, I did everything so he would be happy. But he started to be very cold, stopped calling me beautiful, telling me he love me, anything I was really hungry for. So, as sensitive as I am, i started to be really frustrated and sad in this relationship, doing everything I can to be aprecciated. It was over because of sam minor fight, he send me a text that it’s over (after two years of relationship) he told me that I am too sensitive, am allways nagging and crying for no reason, and drinking too much (didn’t get drunk for last 6 months of relationship even tho he did and even tho we went out together a lot, but because of his judging I didn’t) and that was the end. We never saw eachother and talked like human beings about everything even tho I sent a lot of text on facebook to him explaining myself. He never saw or understood my side of the story and even tho I did so much to him he didn’t appreciate it and left me like a piece of sh**. I was a mess. It was 2 months ago and I’m still not quite over it but I’m really trying to. At first, I was in shock because he allways told me that he thinks how only I understand him, only with me he can be himself, I am the most beautiful woman in the world, he will never love anyone as he loves me and last but not least, even if we broke up he will allways love me. I would like that some of it really meant something and that he will maybe regret this decision. I believed all of these words so I stayed with him for the worst and the best, tolerated all of his jelaous and paranoic scenes, only so that he can leave me because my feelings aren’t important, they’re just too much and he thinks nothing will change so this is for the best. I really don’t like to think that I am the one crying right now knowing that he lost, not I. I would like some advice.

I think we still want people to know if our partners regret it because we still feel their opinions define our worth
Define if we,RE still lovable
I used to but I don’t now

Dear janiejones:

You wrote: “I still kind of hope that he will some day know the difference between fighting for your rights in a relationship and plain aggressiveness”-

If by “your rights” you mean your right to be respected, not abused, and you are abused in a relationship, then it is not wise to fight for your right to not be abused. Assert yourself and exit the relationship, don’t stay and fight.

anita

we were in relationship for 15 months. We had a very minor fight after which he texted me that its a breakup. He then blocked me from everywhere, didn’t explained anything. There was nothing from him side. at first i thought its was not a break up as we had fights in the past too and i always knew that he will going to tell me when he will break up in person. For 6 days i tried to contact, i waited for him as i was unable to believe that he left.  I cried a lot.. i cried on road for 2 hours i was unable to hold my tears back and that was humiliating. I messaged him to meet me n say this on my face as i am unable to accept it n still have hope that he will come back. He said he isn’t me anymore as we are not together and will not going to meet. I still remember strangers talking to me n asking me why i am crying. I msged him again n he agreed to tok on phone one last time but after 4-5 hours. I waited n i cried. I called my friends for help as i was not in my senses.  We talked and he told me that its over from and he is not feeling any love for me n he has to focus on his career. He said he has feelings for me but don’t want me in his life. My friends asked him to meet me once as my condition is not good. He said he doesn’t care anymore.

I am still coping with my breakup. I am filled with hurt, sadness n anger. I want him to go through what i felt. I want him to realize what he did to me. I am not angry bcz he broke up with me,  i am angry bcz he didn’t have the decency and respect for the 15 months we spend together. he could hv broke up in person. If he had respected our time together. I wish he had been a little empathetic to me when i broke down in the middle of the road. Instead of aggressively and cruelly ending this relationship he could have ended it in a dignified manner.

I want him to realize this in life. Its beem just 4 days since my breakup and he has moved on and here i am still crying and trying to make sense of everything that has happened.