Home→Forums→Relationships→Do you consider this emotional Abuse or not?I'm confused HELP!
- This topic has 5 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 9 months ago by Jennifer Dettloff-Carter.
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March 7, 2017 at 12:00 pm #136645alexa05Participant
-) In life, we should have certain words filtered, my boyfriend does not seem to have one.I am upset because, he has this tendency of referring to woman as bi***es, ”oh tha b*tch does this or that, in a very despotic way, he does not say this ALL the time, but once he does, it just bothers me, makes me mad. Why in the world, would a man refer to a woman like this, its so disgusting! sounds like he dislikes all woman!
2-) Whenever I’m in positive vibes, he seems to suck my good vibe away ( they call this an ”emotional vampire”) once he comes and picks me up, whenever I get in his car uuugh, he always says something that bothers me, example:”your breath smells like mint,I don’t like mint, or your perfume is too strong”, instead of greating me nicely, boom he says something that’s not nice. Believe me I rather have good breath, than not a stinky one and my scent is not overpowering, it’s just a clean cologne.
3-) He thinks women should be submissive to get what they want from there partner!, and whenever I was quiet he said ” You see,it’s so nice that you are quiet like that. its relaxing.
4-) Whenever he can, he points out something negative ( He did not do it in a mean or shouting way by any means) but he said:”your butt, you need to do squats to tone it, your too skinny its not healthy, you need to gain at least 5 pounds, I tell him ”I love myself like this” if you don’t like it, then I’m sorry, and all he says is, ”well your going to stay alone” your too skinny, honestly even he was worried, I like how I look, plus I’m not scary skinny.
5-) This one is the one that I notice the most, when I am looking pretty, have my hair down flowing, cutely dressed, well put,etc, he will say something negative, ”what happened to your hair, it looks thin, whats wrong’, your butt is sagging you need to tone it up, Not even a compliment, Mind you none of these are true to my knowledge, my hair is medium thickness, and my butt, is a little smaller after I lost weight, but not sagging, just Normal.
6-) I feel, as if Everything has to be on his terms, I feel ackward having to communicate with him or even have a serious talk to him, these 3 years I have just felt uncomfortable, that’s how I see it, can you imagine we only see each other once a week, or once every 2 weeks.We don’t even manage to see each other on the weekends Like normal couples do!. I get he studies Medicine and its HARD, but If you really want someone you make more time for them!!!!!
Anyways, I feel drained, mentally and emotionally by his ways. its Like if I felt empty. I Need more from him, which I AM not GETTING.
March 7, 2017 at 1:24 pm #136675AsterixParticipantYes, this is emotional abuse. It’s classic manipulative behavior. He is trying to see how many times he can say “jump” and you will actually do it. I dated someone exactly like this, and it destroyed my self esteem to the point where I developed an eating disorder because I couldn’t be thin enough for him to stop making fat jokes. He will suck you dry of all happiness, and you’ll believe something is wrong with you and that if you could just change this or that then he will finally approve. Newsflash: he will never approve. He will use you until he finds someone else to torture. Do yourself a favor and run.
March 7, 2017 at 4:14 pm #136683NanParticipantIf you are so defective in his eyes, why is he still with you? Have you asked him that? I took many years of this subtle comments of my looks, my weight, my cologne, etc, etc. It took a kind loving man to show me that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. I agree with above Asterix- run, dont walk away. He will make you miserable and beaten down in no time. I know, it took me 35 years of this sh*t to finally wake up.
March 7, 2017 at 8:04 pm #136973AnonymousGuestDear alexa05:
He needs to attend a boot camp of sorts, where he will be taught some manners.
He has to stop calling women that term: it may ruin his career, as a future medical doctor, if he addresses female patients, and female doctors, using that term.
I would put the relationship with him on pause until he attends the proper boot camp. Maybe you can put together such, for him and his friends, if they behave alike.
anita
March 8, 2017 at 4:08 am #137405JohnParticipantIf it makes you feel bad it is emotional abuse. Little by little it will destroy you. You will modify your behaviour in order to please him, or more likely, not displease him. Eventually your personality will be changed which will make you very unhappy. You will tiptoe around him walking on eggshells as opposed to being your natural authentic self. Unless he changes, the discomfort you feel around him will get worse. This is what happened to me over a 35 year period. Don’t make my mistake and get trapped by it. It will make you very unwell from a mental health perspective.
March 8, 2017 at 2:56 pm #137663Jennifer Dettloff-CarterParticipantDear Alex,
This is definitely emotional abuse, and doesn’t come from a loving place in any way. he will likely use emotional abuse and manipulation when/if you try to break up with him (and tell you things like nobody else will want you; you’re lucky that he put up with you, or make up other hurtful untrue things about you). Regardless, better, sooner-than-later, to get away from him and rebuild your self-worth. You deserve way more, skinny butt or not… 🙂 Good luck to you.
March 9, 2017 at 5:18 am #138205CatrionaParticipantGet out of the relationship now !
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