April 7, 2013 at 7:48 am #31911Rob LeonardoParticipant
Hi guys, good to be here in the forum!
Many of you would be in Tiny Buddha because you are compassionate and is aware of your social responsibility. Yet, many of us, tend to forget that, first and foremost, if we want to give, we must take care of ourselves- inside and outside.
May I pose this question: Do you forget to love yourself? What is the price of forgetting to take care of our emotional, spiritual and physical health?
Let me start by sharing my personal experience. In the past I have been generous enough to the teaching of ‘self-giving’ that I completely detached myself from anything that is identified with ‘pride’. Oh well, being a shy and timid individual, I somehow easily embraced the idea. But little did I know that I was plunging myself to an emotional suicide. Well-meaning people would unintentionally (or some intentionally) abuse my ‘niceness’; I get overload with work because I was too eager to help; I felt frustrated at times because I was helpless.
I discovered that while ‘self-giving’ is generally applicable to everyone, the said word needs to be taken with caution depending on your personality. For me, I was not clear about the borderline between generosity and self-respect. After a decade of self-help, research and support, I have found a better way to deal with it by first of all learning to love myself.April 7, 2013 at 9:33 am #31917AnonymousInactive
I never forget to love myself (the love is ever-present), but I sometimes forget to be compassionate and kind and loving with myself. I get led astray by my own expectations. And those of others.
I’ve learned to
maketake time for self-giving. One example is in my writing. I write. I’m sometimes selfish (self loving too) about my writing time. The laundry loads pile high, the soot sprites move in and move about, and the family notices my absence in many ways, yet I write.
Giving to myself, of course, shows me the love I show others. I love myself through giving acts of kindness, given of my time, my energy, me, not just in my thoughts or words. I live this love. And I give this love.
Smiles!April 8, 2013 at 8:53 am #31968MichelleParticipant
Forget to love myself? I’m still trying to figure out what it means to love yourself. I didn’t realize how much I didn’t love myself until my life coach brought the topic up. I couldn’t even acknowledge myself without feeling extremely uncomfortable. Funny thing is that I tend to think of love as an action not an emotion/feeling. For example, when the life coach told me to make acts of self-love I instantly went to actions (massage, exercise, bubbe bath, etc.) rather than the opposite acknowledging my good traits accepting and coming to peace with bad traits and so on. Unreal how difficult this is for me to grasp…April 8, 2013 at 10:45 am #31980IngaParticipant
I guess the most important aspect of a human’s entity is the love.
I love many people, but only when I am aware of how unable I am to love myself, I see how it affected the love I have for others. Lack of patience, respect, humility, trust towards others comes from the lack of love to myself.
Being aware is one big step we make. But then the question follows, how do we learn to love ourselves – not comparing ourselves with others, forgiving for mistakes, encouraging for risks, believing in ourselves? My guess is – the best we can do is try seeing and reflecting upon our behaviors and thoughts and by that reminding to ourselves – if we expect trust, patience, faith, tolerance and love from a lover or a friend/family member – that is exactly what we have to give ourselves.
And patience is the most important here. Because it takes patience for me to love me.April 8, 2013 at 2:02 pm #31995MichelleParticipant
@Inga, wish there was a way to like yours! Great post…April 18, 2013 at 2:09 pm #34005anyoneParticipant
In recent months, I believe I have forgotten how to love myself. I put myself on the back burner, as I had been filling up my days with impossibly long to-do list’s. I was under the impression that I was capable of doing many more things than I actually could. Part of the reason for this I might add was I was finding it difficult to say “no” to people when something was asked of me – even when it would be difficult for me to do and ultimately detrimental to my own well-being. I was working very hard to meet other people’s expectations of me and putting my own needs to the side (people-pleasing at it’s very worst extreme.) Rob, I relate to you very much in your description of self-giving and how even something as wonderful as that can be harmful to the self when in excess.
The price I paid for not loving myself? I became emotionally, spiritually, and physically bankrupt.In not setting realistic boundaries, and neglecting to put time aside to attend to myself and my own personal needs, I wound up feeling extremely stressed, resentful, and filled to the brim with negative feelings and thoughts. I had effectively chipped away at all my self-love each time I chose not to take a second for myself when I needed it.
I see the difference now that I’m taking time to focus on self-love and self-care. My emotional, spiritual and physical well-being flourishes. I heard a quote not too long ago… “you cannot do anything in this world if you do not love yourself.” I know now to make this a priority. I have not come full circle in loving myself. There is still work to be done. However, on some level I recognize there will always be work to be done in regards to self-love. We never “arrive.” Even once we love ourselves, this love requires daily maintenance. It’s a work that is never done, but after a while it will not feel like work.