Hi H1978,

One thing I’ve noticed is that we take our “stuff” with us. So if I travel, the newness of everything keeps me excited for about a week or two. But being anyplace after two weeks I tend to settle down to a “routine” or how I’d live if I actually always lived there ~ and that includes Ruminating!!! About old “stuff”!!

With children, once you have them, believe me, you NEVER regret it! Yes, they can be pain in the azzes. BUT everyday IS different! There is the routine of their schedule, school, sports, holidays, BUT there are new adventures, situations, AND you can take them on Family Trips during the holidays!!

It concerns me that in one sentence it SEEMS like you would casually toss your husband to find yourself.

And if you’re a dog sitter you will never be able to go on vacation during holidays because that’s the time when everyone will need a dog sitter!! I mean try it and see where it goes, but I can see where it could conflict with travelling.

Good Luck,

Inky

Dear H1978:

Since you do not have children, and for as long as you don’t have children in this marriage, I think that it is not a bad idea to end your marriage.

This may very well be the freedom that you are seeking!

And… why not? Really, I am asking you: why not end your marriage?

anita

Dear H1978:

I think it is responsible of you to be cautious before having children.

How did he hurt you? Depending on how he hurt you… it could be anything from unforgivable to minor. So, how did he hurt you?

anita

Dear H1978:

I read some of our correspondence late last year. You were going to leave and spend some time in the U.S., start divorce proceedings and selling of the house. And he just started going to counseling then. On this thread you wrote that your marriage is back on track. Does this mean he made progress in counseling….? Is he no longer taking out his anger on you?

How is your marriage back on track, I wonder. However it is on track, you still don’t feel it is good enough to bring a child into it- and I very much respect you for that!!!- I don’t know the nature of your marriage- if you withdrew from your decision to get a divorce because he changed his behavior through counseling and better communication with you- or you just got scared and stayed in a marriage that is still unhealthy.

I am lost at this point- oh, the title of your thread… I am lost in understanding your struggle, whether it is you being afraid to leave your job and marriage (and dog) … OR has he really changed?

anita

Hello H1978,

I am using my phone on this site, so I apologize beforehand for typos lol.

I sympathize with you and have a lot of respect and admiration for not giving up on your marriage. Staying true to your love and happy that your partner has changed for the better. It sounds like the both of you have grown a lot, matured and evolved together, since your hiccup in the marriage. Which is positive & beautiful!
As far as children are concerned, I respect that if you two indeed want to have a baby together after some time. Since the marriage has been calm and you two have grown. I see nothing wrong or negative about that decision. 🙂

On the topic about what is missing from your life, my advice is to maybe take a spiritual meditation journey to figure out what is personally missing, that you are seeking. If you feel comfortable enough to share this with your husband, inform him how he can be of support and help to you. That way you two are a team together and you’re not alone in this.

How do you feel about what I said? What’s your opinion?

Thank you for sharing with us, I enjoyed reading your post. Especially on how much you still love him and not going to give up. I find that so beautiful.

Sending you so much, positivity and light your way.❤️

M.

Dear H1978:

I read your latest post and re-read your original post here. You wrote that you are unhappy and lost. A sentence that you wrote giving a clue as to why is: “I hate the daily grind of a corporate job, lack of freedom etc and having to conform to something I am not!”

I think you need and yearn to be a leader in your own life, to make things happen, to create, to be the Creator of your own life!

And it needs to be so for you in your marriage and outside your marriage. You not submitting to others’ rules and feelings but asserting your own.

I am suspicious about the improvement in your marriage, hoping it is valid, that is that you are indeed assertive in your marriage and not walking on egg shells so to keep the marriage “on track.”

I also support your decision to not have children at this point, if at all, in this state of mind. Because children require you acting comfortably and … happily in the role of a mother. This is a lot of work that unless you are ready for it, will be more “grind” that you don’t want more of!

If I am correct here, please let me know, correct me where I am not correct, and we can communicate further…?

anita