February 12, 2022 at 7:36 pm #392680AnonymousInactive
Does anyone have advice in how to let go of regret? It keeps haunting me every time i have a free time. It’s regarding a decision i made 4 years ago… at that time i thought it was the right choice for me… but turns out it wasnt….
I choose the wrong bachelor degree, at that time im confused on whether choosing management or economics… but in the end i choose management because i’m afraid that i might fail a module if i choose economics…
I shouldve choose economics because most who have that degree are labelled as smart students and management students are labelled as “dumb”…
I shouldve took the risk and dont care if i end up failing.. as in the end i would be labelled as smart… i really regret it…
im currently working, so both degrees doesnt affect my job… but still the regret keeps haunting meFebruary 13, 2022 at 7:52 am #392687TommyParticipant
The more one brings thoughts of regret to mind the more they take hold in one’s consciousness. Once rooted they take on a life of their own. I do not know how to rid one of regrets. Just that one must work on the present and be ever mindful of the present. Then as time passes, regret loses it grip and slips away. It is much like getting over a loved one who has broken up with you. One never forgets. But, with time, it becomes easier to move on.January 8, 2023 at 8:53 am #413443AnonymousGuest
Dear Greg aka Felix aka Eric:
I am bringing this thread (and other threads under this account) to the front so to study it and be better able to offer you something helpful. I will return to this thread later.
anitaJanuary 8, 2023 at 12:37 pm #413462AnonymousGuest
Dear Greg aka Felix aka Eric:
I was going to study your threads yet again, and I started.. but then I figured that what’s important is not what more I can learn about you, but what more you can learn about you.
The many hundreds of posts that you submitted and the many hundreds of replies that you received (all here on record, currently accessible on the 1st page of topics) are a very valuable opportunity for you to learn about this very interesting, fascinating, valuable human being I know: you!
You can learn about how you’ve been thinking over time, what actions you chose to take; what progress you have made so far, and what more progress you would like to make in the future.
If you choose this path of learning more about you, using your threads as a resource, I will be excited for you and hope that you get a good return on your investment of time and work!
anitaJanuary 20, 2023 at 11:38 am #414168RobParticipant
Multiple ways to let go of regret I know of that have been useful at different stages of my life. I have no idea how they would play out for you:
March 17, 2023 at 11:01 am #416372EveParticipant
- Ask yourself was there anyway to predict the future that happened at the time? If not (do you have a crystal ball?), then why regret?
- Label that nagging voice inside of you with a personality. Call him “Perfect Pete” or something, he always thinks you should get everything right, be super brave, well, is that realistic? Giving it a silly name helps.
- Accept you don’t write life, life writes you.
You cannot undue the choices you made in the past but you CAN now make other choices in the present. You did then what you felt was the right choice for you but have since discovered that it is not. You have learned from your own experience and that is a great thing! So what do you do? Make a different choice now. You can always choose to make different choices because you have the agency (ability) to do so. To have no regrets is to have lived a life of stagnancy. Namaste.March 20, 2023 at 1:11 pm #416497PeterParticipant
Regret, like all emotions when grasped onto blocks flow, traps one in a imagined past of ‘should of’ giving birth in the same moment a mourned for future that cannot be of ‘if only’.
True regret can point one to different paths in the present and if skillful then released, but my experience and observations is that regret is the emotion we tend to hold onto more then the others. I wonder if thier isn’t a perverse pleasure of holding on to our disappointments and failures so tightly while discounting out gifts so easily.
The feelings that hurt most, the emotions that sting most, are those that are absurd – The longing for impossible things, precisely because they are impossible; nostalgia for what never was; the desire for what could have been; regret over not being someone else; dissatisfaction with the world’s existence. All these half-tones of the soul’s consciousness create in us a painful landscape, an eternal sunset of what we are.― Fernando Pessoa
How does one stop? By stopping. I suspect that stopping is so easily difficult is that we attach our emotions and experience to time.
“We are living in a culture entirely hypnotized by the illusion of time, in which the so-called present moment is felt as nothing but an infinitesimal hairline between an all-powerfully causative past and an absorbingly important future. We have no present. Our consciousness is almost completely preoccupied with memory and expectation. We do not realize that there never was, is, nor will be any other experience than present experience. We are therefore out of touch with reality. We confuse the world as talked about, described, and measured with the world which actually is. We are sick with a fascination for the useful tools of names and numbers, of symbols, signs, conceptions and ideas…. – J Campbell
How does one stop? Stop naming and break the dam that hinders flow. We stop by flowing – a ironic paradox .
Eventually something you love is going to be taken away. And then you will fall to the floor crying. And then, however much later, it is finally happening to you: you’re falling to the floor crying thinking, “I am falling to the floor crying,” but there’s an element of the ridiculous to it, even worse, while you’re on the floor crying you look at the place where the wall meets the floor and you realize you didn’t paint it very well. ― Richard Siken
Cry until you laugh… I recognize that person on the floor… We are such wonderous, messy absurd beings.