does being rude equate to losing my temper?

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This topic has 8 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 1 month ago by Mark.

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February 24, 2018 at 8:52 am #194231

roe
Participant

hi.

im new to this forum so i dont know if this is tthe place to be posting this. forgive me if im wrong.

i got a call today from a customer.

1. its the weekend so technically speaking i am not obliged to take the call. however i told her that if u run into any problems, u may text me and i will try and return the call if/when i am free.

2. i returned the call but got exasperated when the customer expected me to go down to her place to troubleshoot the problem so in my firmest (and probably not the nicest tone told her )

a. its actually after office hours so technically im not obliged to take ur call

(she countered by saying i mentioned prev that i allowed it)

b. its out of protocol as per regulations

c. please do not bully me and take advantage of me. the other alternative suggested was that if it was really urgent, she can go dowm to hq and it was open anyway.

i was not rude but i did raise my voice by a notch when she asked me to go down to settle it personally.

im wondering now if raising my voice by a notch equates to losing my temper.

my friend who heard the entire conversation go down felt that i was just being firm and trying to reason logic with her.

on the other hand, when i related the story to my dad, he felt that i was rude due to my tone and i could have been more neutral.

i guess my qn is

– is being rude = losing my temper?

i personally dont think i was rude but i was definitely shocked and exasperated when i tried explaining that she should not bully me and expect for me to go down to her place. that the fact i called her back was beyond what anyone will / would do and not to take advantage of that.

February 24, 2018 at 9:22 am #194267

Anonymous
Guest

Dear roe:

What I think happened is that when the customer expected you to go to her place to troubleshoot the problem she had, you felt threatened. It was as if her expecting you to go to her place meant that you had to do so. And so, feeling threatened you turned to anger, so to defend yourself from the perceived threat.

If she only expressed her expectation that you go to her place, not knowing that it is not your job to do so during the weekend, then she didn’t bully you. She just didn’t have the information you had. If that was the case, it would have been appropriate and professional on your part to give her, in an even tone of voice, the information she didn’t have, that is that it is the weekend and it is not in your job description to go to her place, and that she can go to headquarters, if she would like.

There was no need to raise your voice or to tell her that you didn’t have to take her call at all.

If after you gave her the information, if then she argued with her, then what I would have done, if I was you, would be to repeat myself, not in a louder voice but in a firm voice. If she continued to argue, then I would say: I need to end this call and I would hang up.

As to your question, “does being rude equate to losing my temper?”- in this case, having been rude (and you were unless she argued) equates to you having felt threatened, and then angry.

anita

February 24, 2018 at 9:29 am #194269

roe
Participant

anita thank u

i hope manage my emotions better.

February 24, 2018 at 9:30 am #194271

roe
Participant

anita thank u

i hope to manage my emotions better sigh.

February 24, 2018 at 10:12 am #194275

Anonymous
Guest

Dear roe:

You are welcome. In your aim to manage your emotions better, notice that you will need to notice what it is that you feel first.

Also part of managing your emotions and behavior is learning more the skill of Assertiveness. As you practice being assertive more and more you will be less and less threatened by the idea of others using you or bullying you. You will feel confidence in your ability to take care of yourself, to not allow others (if that is what they try to do) to misuse you or to bully you.

anita

February 25, 2018 at 11:01 am #194631
suzy
Participant
Roe,

I am always working to manage my emotions too.

I have found that I need to give my self “peace space” . This means that i don’t answer work emails or phone calls within a certian time. This changes depending on my life. Currently, I only answer between 7:30 and 3:30 (I teach). I have found when i make it more flexible, I am really not “available” during certain times. Then if someone tries to connect during this “pseudo available” time I tend to be more impatient. I’m not ready to receive the information.

Maybe you could find and reflect what is “your real availability time” . I feel that this opens one up to being better at their job not less.

just a thought..

communication will always be a journey..
- This reply was modified 6 years, 1 month ago by suzy.
February 27, 2018 at 8:34 am #194993

roe
Participant

thank u both

February 27, 2018 at 8:53 am #194999

Anonymous
Guest

You are welcome, roe. Anytime.

anita

February 27, 2018 at 9:24 am #195003

Mark
Participant

roe,

I see rudeness is the result of losing one’s temper. I don’t see losing one’s temper equal to rudeness though.

Raising one’s voice is not rudeness. It is how bad you treat the customer is what rudeness is.

You could have raised your voice in joy and that would not be rudeness. And the customer would have taken it the same way.

Mark
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