Menu

Does he like me?

HomeForumsRelationshipsDoes he like me?

New Reply
Viewing 15 posts - 31 through 45 (of 181 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #407598
    Katrine Nielsen
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Really good pointers! Glad I’m asking before, my message with him not being interested was defensive and came from a very dysregulated state. Definitly not a good idea.

     

    Apologizing for my behaviour, showing that i really apreciate his effort. Tell him i like him find a way to say i think we both struggle with letting people close (showing him we have a lot in common)

    And really importantly keep it simple like you said attention defeceit.

    #407599
    Katrine Nielsen
    Participant

    <p style=”text-align: left;”>Hi Anita,</p>
    Really good pointers! Glad I’m asking before, my message with him not being interested was defensive and came from a very dysregulated state. Definitly not a good idea.

     

    Apologizing for my behaviour, showing that i really apreciate his effort. Tell him i like him find a way to say i think we both struggle with letting people close (showing him we have a lot in common)

    And really importantly keep it simple like you said attention defeceit.

    #407604
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Katrine Nielsen:

    Sounds just right, what you came up with, above.

    And really importantly keep it simple like you said attention deficit“- yes, simple. Plan ahead of time what to say to him: practice, like an actress, in front of the mirror maybe. Then when you see him tell him just what you practiced and not more than that.

    Talking about keeping it simple, a line from the movie Notting Hill comes to mind,  Julia Roberts says to her love interest: “I am just a girl who likes a boy“. Simple, isn’t it?

    anita

    #407623
    Katrine Nielsen
    Participant

    Hi Tee,

    Really good point. I need to keep focus on me then he has space to think if he wants to and or am able to give me what i am hoping he will.

    My text last Monday was indeed defensive and I didn’t give me anything. Like with ultimatums never work either. He needs to be able to process it and see if he wants to go further.

    I can take some comfort in that more than just i think of his behaviour as good signs, so i not crazy. And after seeing him at work everyday since friday I’m still the woman he gets a but awkward around. My male colleague who knows him and whom i told all about this said it’s all really good signs and said that he could relate to his behaviour in terms of his now girlfriend (a colleague of ours)

    #407624
    Katrine Nielsen
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    I feel a lot better now. I’m gonna focus on Apologizing, apreciating his effort and telling how i feel. Keeping it simple. I’m trying to not take a potentiale rejection personally cause sometimes it’s not just  about liking someone it could be a whole lot of other reasons. But I really do hope i have succes with this.

    #407627
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Katrine Nielsen:

    I wish you nothing but success with this. In my mind, even if he does not respond like you wish he would, you’d still succeed if you plan and deliver the communication with him simply, honestly and courageously! I think that you will feel good about yourself if you do, regardless of his reaction and I am excited for you!

    anita

    #407639
    Tee
    Participant

    Dear Katrine,

    I am glad you are feeling better, now that you have a clear plan for how to go about it. I like your plan: apologize, appreciate his efforts, express your feelings. And yes, keep it simple and non-defensive.

    I’m trying to not take a potentiale rejection personally cause sometimes it’s not just about liking someone it could be a whole lot of other reasons.

    Yes, there is such a possibility that he likes you but he still for some reason rejects you – a reason that has nothing to do with you. And you are completely right: if something like that happens, don’t take it personally, don’t take it to mean that you are not good enough. In fact, you can tell yourself: “I am lovable, even if he says no.” Or “I am worthy, even if he says no”. You can repeat such positive affirmations beforehand, to boost your self-confidence and feel more at ease when you talk to him.

    And as anita said, I also think you will feel good about yourself for trying it and expressing yourself, rather than hiding and withdrawing. I am rooting for you!

     

    #407836
    anita
    Participant

    How are you, Katrine Nielsen? Any news?

    anita

    #408023
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Katrine Nielsen:

    I am concerned that perhaps the conversation with him didn’t go well and that you are very upset as a result…? I would like to read from you, if you are okay sharing.

    anita

    #408026
    Katrine Nielsen
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    I was just about to write you. We are looking to go for a walk a day when we both aren’t working. I had some health issues this week.

    I was hoping you could give me some pointers on what I’m thinking about saying?

    I’m really bad with words and I think it’s best for me to have a script otherwise I’m afraid i might get defensive or talk to much (i don’t want that to happen since he has inattentive Adhd)

    #408027
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Katrine Nielsen:

    Good to read from you! I’d say to him something like: I liked you for a long time, like more than a friend. Sometimes I didn’t behave like I liked you because I was scared. (Pause) I want to ask you a question, and you don’t have to answer it now. I hope that you will answer it when you are ready to answer it (Pause):  do you like me too, like more than a friend?

    anita

    #408028
    Katrine Nielsen
    Participant

    Uhh I don’t know if I’m brave enough to be that direct. I’m terrified, I’ve never done this before.

     

    I was thinking about apologizing for my behaviour (shut ting down) and then tell him that that only happened because i like him so much so i shut down to protect myself. (letting him know i ignored him because i liked not because i didn’t care and also showing him that i too am afraid of letting someone close) then tell him how much i apreciate his effort with the yoga and how thought ful he was, and at the end maybe wrap it up with the turkish restaurant he thinks i should try. Then he has a chance to join me if he wants to.

     

    I really want to emphasize that my rude behaviour over the past months was because of my anxiety and that i like him so much.

     

    #408032
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Katrine Nielsen:

    People like me, who suffer from ADD or ADHD, are limited in our ability to process and understand complex communication. We do better with written communication than with  verbal communication because the former allows  us the time and the opportunity to re-read, rearrange, process and understand complex information.

    You can type all that you want to tell him and send it to him in an email OR you can type all this into a piece of paper, and as you sit with him in a park or wherever, hand him the paper to read. Tell him (type it into the paper as well) that he can take all the time that he needs before he responds, no rush. This way, he can take all the time that he needs to re-read, rearrange, process and understand what you are trying to tell him before he responds.

    If you tell him all this in the form of verbal communication, he may get distressed and overwhelmed and.. shut down, and/ or  say anything to get his distress over with.

    anita

    #408040
    Katrine Nielsen
    Participant

    Yeah that’s my struggle. I really need to keep it simple. I prefer writing it’s easier for me, but feel like i have to apologize in person and do something that’s outside my comfort zone. It’s hard

    #408041
    Katrine Nielsen
    Participant

    How short is short enough?

Viewing 15 posts - 31 through 45 (of 181 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.