Thank you. I’m proud of myself for trying something new. Next time i won’t be so avoident i will take a step forward faster, so i dont end up as heart broken as I am now.

I have been in this situation soo many times before, it’s just I’m so tired of being of having to get over a guy a never had. People keep telling me it’s easier to get over someone you never had. For me it’s the opposite. And it really f.. Hurts because i really really like him. But at least he was very caring and understanding.

Yes exactly! I rather try it out and have it be not what i imagen, then being in this what could have been. Also just getting the fun times with intamicy and dating experiencese before that bad stuff. I rather have the fun stuff then loose it then just the pain without the good stuff.

That’s why losing the guy earlier this year wasn’t as hard. Because we had the best time together and made so many memorices. Nobody can take that away from me i will always cherish it. But losing something good when you just feel it’s about to get good. That’s a pain that’s horrible for me to deal with.

That is so true! That also one reason why i always end up just admirering them from afar and push away when they get close. Cuz in my head it’s just me imagen a relationship with them and that means i am in control and they can’t hurt me when it’s just a fantasy.

I went out for drinks with drinks with a female colleague and she gave me some good pointers as well. She works with him and she has never seen him awkward and anxious with anyone.

She said that my text after the date was defensive and that that would make the person on the other end defensive. At the time I thought it sounded good and that it would make him take a step forward. Now not so much. We also talked about the fact that i am too avoident in my flirting (i am basically just shut down and ignore someone) cuz i feel it is so obvious that i am anxious around them because i like them i can’t expect people to read minds. And men also needs to know that if the are putting themselves out there and making advance to a women that it is received well.

I’ve had people tell that i have been know for rejecting the same guy over and over even though i liked them.i just couldn’t see it, because from my perspective i was just protecting my self, cuz I wasn’t sure that the actually meant it (Self sabotaging behaviour)

And she made a point that we are both indirect people (to protect ourselves) which makes sense with our back ground. But it also means that there are a lot of misunderstandings. She pounted out a lot of examples of his indirect ways of trying to spend time with me, but I didn’t catch on to it because he wasn’t direct enough. So learning to communicate and be authentic and vulnerable is better than to expect people to read minds. Just because i know why i am reating a certain way doesn’t mean that other people knows why i am acting that way.

Talking about this really helps. It cslmes my anxiety and it makes it possible for me to see my behaviour from outside. You can’t change a pattern that you don’t know you have so this is really good. Now i have many examples of me doing something and then regretting it when i got home. Like not asking him to show what turkish dishes would be good. But it’s a process i will mess up from time to time but I gotta keep on going.

So my girlfriends are invited ti his birthday party in a couple of days and Im not invited. This hurts like hell. I know they have been seeing each other as a group, and they are all party people. But when they get drunk they get very friendly with each other and it makes me so jeloux. My guy colleague says that they are just really good friends, but I feel really like the odd man out and it really hurts.

Yes. I mean nothing is new really. They have been doind stuff as a group without me and they know his friends well. And they only get this friendly when they are drunk, never sober. And I know that i can have group of people over without actually feeling that i am excluding someone. But my god it hurts. Because now im like are we even friends? We talk well, he’s still calling me by a nickname (he started doing that after my housewarming) but now i not invited. I am working that day as the only one of us but still.

I hope so. They are all party people i am not. I always go home early and don’t drink s lot. I always feel weird in party settings, like i don’t fit in. And they have been going to stuff with his friends without me before do it’s nothing new. But it really hurts. I am still the one being treatet different the others by him. I am a 99% sure now that his behaviour towards me is a fear of intimacy and not a sign of me bring friend zoned. I was worried that him starting to call me by nickname after my house party was possibly a sign of me being friend zoned. But if that was the case why didn’t he invite me along. We still talk together well, and the message he send me last about the anxiety, he was very caring in that,even though i have treatet him very bad at times. So hopefully it’s not a sign of me being excluded

I hope so. I mean other people have done that to me before. Would have been nice to have been invited anyway. Like when i had a depression people stopped asking me cuz i always said no, but not being asked hurt a lot. Makes you feel like they don’t care.