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Does my coworker crush like me back?

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  • #378577
    alice
    Participant

    I work at a school and have a crush on a colleague (similar age to me, 24) who works with me at the after school club everyday. He’s French and I’m English, and I’ve been practising his English with him for a few months (he moved here in October). I developed a crush on him a few months ago and don’t know whether I’m reading into things (maybe he’s just friendly) or he does like me back.

    I’ve often seen him looking at me while we’re working and looks away when I catch him. He’s always making jokes and laughing a lot with me. He’s said that he thinks of me every time he sees a football player ( sounds random haha) because we’re from the same place. Recently he brought clothes shopping to work with him and another coworker asked why he had them and he said it was because he needed to impress me, and told me not to worry, that he was getting there (said in French so might not translate the same). It was a joke but thanks to my crush on him I couldn’t help wondering if he meant it a little bit. He also repeats my name to himself a lot, e.g. after he’s said hello to me or someone else says my name.

    Useless piece of info but some kids at the school said the two of us are in love and so planned our “wedding”, going back and forth between us asking what we wanted etc.

    An old friend of mine works at the school during the week, too, and says she thinks he likes me but who knows.

    Sorry this is so long! But would appreciate any reponse 🙂 something to stop my overthinking!!

    #378588
    anita
    Participant

    Dear alice;

    If your co-worker is a confident-enough young man and he likes you in a romantic kind of way, and he believes that you are available, I imagine that he would let you know that he likes you in this way. If he is shy, lacking enough confidence, maybe he likes but lacks the confidence to tell you that he does. Is he shy?

    anita

    #378590
    alice
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    In the time I’ve known him he hasn’t seemed shy. Sometimes when we talk he seems shyer than usual but the majority of the time with me and others at work he is confident, open and friendly. Gives me more doubts haha!

    Alice

    #378594
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Alice:

    He may be shy in certain contexts but not in others. Maybe he is shy in the context of expressing his interest in a woman in a direct way. Is he direct in his communication otherwise, with you and with other people, assertively (directly, clearly and respectfully) asking for what he wants? Examples of his assertiveness (or lack of) will be helpful.

    *I will soon be away from the computer for a few hours.

    anita

    #378596
    Ashmitha
    Participant

    Hi Alice,

    Your situation sounds like something I’ve experienced before. When guys are flirty like that and love spending time with you/ being around you, I think it usually means something. The fact that everyone around you also thinks you two are “in love” might also be indicative of mutual feelings. It’s interesting how obvious something can seem to others, yet so confusing to us. This exact situation happened to me before and the guy told me he liked me shortly after. You could keep spending time with him and getting to know him better, and see where it goes. If he has feelings for you, he will probably tell you soon- if he is a confident person. You could also tell him yourself and save some time haha. Up to you- good luck!

    #378613
    alice
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Since he’s still learning English he sometimes gets shy when speaking it with me if he doesn’t understand or doesn’t know how to say something, but his shyness about it doesn’t last long. I’d say he is otherwise direct with everyone at work, although there are not many opportunities where he needs to be assertive.

    Alice

    #378614
    alice
    Participant

    Hi Ashmitha,
    <p style=”text-align: left;”>I’ve been thinking the same thing.. the ones who’ve said we’re in love are only 8/9 years old so not much to go on (!)</p>
    I feel way too shy to tell him how I feel, especially if it turns out I’ve just been reading into things! We get along well though so will have to see how it goes. In your situation, did the guy act the same?

    Thanks,

    Alice

    #378616
    TeaK
    Participant

    Dear Alice,

    has he asked you if you have a boyfriend? That might be a sign he’s interested… You can also ask him if he has a girlfriend back in France, if you’re not super embarrassed to ask…

    #378618
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Alice:

    I am re-reading your three posts in an effort to answer the question in the title of your thread: “does my coworker crush like me back?”

    This English, 24 year old man moved to France six months ago, and he works at an after school club everyday with you. You are French, 24, working and practicing your English with him. You wonder if the following indicate that he likes you back as a crush (my answers follow each item):

    (1) “I’ve often seen him looking at me while we’re working and looks away when I catch him”- not an indication. First, he may be looking at your direction, not at you, and it only seems like he is looking at you, second, it may be that he is uncomfortable with an unexpected eye contact with anyone, and that’s why he quickly looks away.

    (2) “He’s always  making jokes and laughing a lot with me”- not an indication: he may be joking and laughing simply because he feels happy being around people, and socializing helps him pass the time. (It may indicate that he does not dislike you as a person, because if he disliked you, he would be less inclined to make jokes and laugh a lot around you).

    (3) “He’s said that he thinks of me every time he sees a football player.. because we’re from the same place”- not an indication. If he likes to socialize, he also likes to talk, so he says a lot of things in the many hours he spends with you every day, this may be just one of the many things he says with no particular intent.

    (4) “he brought clothes shopping to work with him and another coworker asked why he had them and he said it was because he needed to impress me, and told me not to worry, that he was getting there.. some kids at school said the two of us are in love and so planned our ‘wedding’..”- not an indication. He probably heard what the kids say, just as you have,  so what they say is on his mind, and that may have prompted his comment regarding trying to impress you and getting there. The kids may have come up with the idea that the two of you are in love because they noticed that you have a crush on him, looking at him in that soft, in-love kind of way.

    (5) “He also repeats my name to himself a lot, e.g. after he’s said hello to me or someone else says my name”- if you mean that when he sees you he says: hello, Alice, and when he sees another person, he says: hello (name), then this too is not an indication that he likes you as a crush.

    (6) “An old friend of mine works at the school during the week, too, and says she thinks he  likes me but who knows”- not an indication. Your old friend probably knows that you have a crush on him, so she wants you will feel good by telling you that she thinks he does like you as a crush. Her “who knows” indicates that she has no evidence that he likes you as a crush. She may entertain a wishful thinking that he likes you because she wants you to be happy, similar to your own wishful thinking which motivates a person to correctly or incorrectly interpret his behavior to mean that he likes you.

    You shared that he seems shy sometimes, but the majority of the time you see him, he acts “confident, open and friendly”- this means that what you interpret as possible indications that he likes you as a crush may be him being confident, open and friendly, and not more than that.

    You shared that he is “direct with everyone at work, although there are not many opportunities where he needs to be assertive”- the more evidence you gather that he is direct and assertive with people is  an indication that if he likes you as a crush, he is likely to tell you so directly.

    All in all, I do not see evidence that he likes you as a crush. He may, but I don’t see the evidence.

    anita

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