November 30, 2013 at 4:40 pm #45998JaydeParticipant
I’ve been a relationship for almost 2 years. I’ve had thoughts for the last 6 months that I don’t want to be in this relationship anymore. But it never seems like the right time to end it. So I made a “pros and cons” list of why I do and don’t want to be in it. Here it is
Reasons why I don’t want to be with them anymore:
-they think I’m fat / don’t look good
-they are controlling – will break up with me if I go on a trip to visit a friend by myself, gets “lonely” if I go anywhere without them and then upset eventually
-lack of sexual attraction on my part
-they hate the way I dress and thinks that I should dress to attract them
Reasons why I still want to be with them:
-I’d be by myself
-they’re my best friend / know me really well / we make each other laugh and can be silly together
-I care about them
I just don’t know when is the right time to tell them if I should wait til we get in an argument or a disagreement, and what I should tell them. I’m just so confused and afraid of being alone as I am an introverted and socially awkward/anxious person already.November 30, 2013 at 7:52 pm #46004AlParticipant
Perhaps you should make a list of ‘What you’re looking for in a partner’ instead and see if any of her qualities appear. If not, then perhaps the indications may be clear. However, don’t take my word for it. I am an idiot when it comes to relationships. lol
As for breaking up, if you’ve fully decided to part ways, that is, then the longer you wait the more you will suffer. However, I would say that most importantly is not the ‘when’ but the ‘how’. I hope you will do your best to part in a loving way as to help ease her pain in the transition, if any. Good luck.December 1, 2013 at 4:25 am #46015BigParticipant
I really feel for what you’re saying. I’ve experienced a similar sensation of loving someone very much because of a shared history, familiarity, and the number of good qualities that I fell in love with in the first place. Perhaps your answer lies in what you’ve finally put into words on your post. The reality of your relationship is that it’s one where you’re living in doubt, unsure if this is making you as happy as something else could. You might let go, idealize the past, and be sad for awhile. But when you do let go, please remember the feelings you have now.
Look at what you’re carrying around all the time: insecurity about your body, the way you dress, fear of spending time with the other people in your life… that’s all very unhealthy. If what you’re saying is true, perhaps you need to have a serious discussion with your partner about how your relationship WILL change or you’re done. That way, if the feelings come back, you’ll be sure in your head that leaving is the right thing to do. I don’t think an argument is the best place to bring this up. I think you could spit out “I need to talk to you…” and the rest will flow out.
If you’re feeling anything less than beautiful, radiantly sexy, confident, and at peace in your relationship, you need to be alone and open your heart to someone who makes you feel these things you deserve to feel. Breaking up might be the hardest thing you ever do, but you’ll thank yourself when someone comes along and makes you feel better than you ever knew you could feel. It’ll be effortless. Change or end your relationship. Don’t spend another week, let alone another six months, feeling like this.
Good luck!December 2, 2013 at 12:52 pm #46084JadeParticipant
Oh honey, to me this list is waving a big fat “LEAVE HIM” flag in my face. He’s disrespectful to you and you don’t have any pantsfeelings for him, to me that’s just end of story, decision is clear! And honestly being by yourself is one of the most enjoyable experiences in life. You are beholden to no one and have the opportunity to indulge your own whims and interests!January 3, 2014 at 12:59 pm #48287lovinggirlParticipant
Did you break up with this fellow? I hope you did 🙂 No one should tell you your fat, is he in shape? My GOD!January 6, 2014 at 4:21 am #48476uoleeParticipant
Jayde, I have just recently went through this with one of my best friends. She was in a 5 year long relationship. This guy was a PAIN IN THE ASS. Always had to be right, gets mad at her if she wanted to hang out with me and is just a totally not nice person. They got into an altercation this one time that made him so upset that he broke the glass to a fire extinguisher, authorities were involved no charges has been pressed, and she moved on with this other guy. 1 month later she went back into his arms. Now we are in the same exact situation again and its been a year later, but this time he just pushed her buttons, and a guy was already there for her so she broke up with him and automatically went with this new guy. POINT IS, if you feel like you need to break up with this guy and the relationship has flatlined, Please do it You need to live your life and enjoy what the world has to offer. Theres new guys, even better who can treat your BETTER AND THE BEST. Oh i forgot to mention, all your reasons were her reasons, UPDATE US PLEASE and good luck Jayde take care.