Forum Replies Created
December 1, 2013 at 4:46 am #46016BigParticipant
Hey Charli! I’m sending you a big hug. I’m about your age, and can really, really relate to that dissonance between how my heart and mind feel and how I know with my head how I should be feeling. I know there’s happiness out there, I’ve felt it before! I know, too, that thinking you’ll be depressed for a long time is a scary thought. I think that you’re going to be good though, because you’re looking in at these thoughts and not letting them stay. Not everyone takes so much time to look inward or reach out for help, so I think even if your feelings haven’t changed, you’re halfway there!
Letting healthy habits take root is a good thing. More sleep, more exercise, real foods, and going light on the caffeine and alcohol can all do wonders. I’m starting to believe in this affirmation and meditation stuff, too. Relationship wise, I think that maybe being with this person you felt nearly right with could have made you question why you weren’t happy. If he was so wonderful, so sweet, treated you so well, how could you give up such a good thing? It’s because something about him didn’t make you as happy as you know you could be! It’s not your depression’s fault, it’s not your fault, it simply wasn’t right. Now you’ve got to open your heart, scary and uncomfortable as it is, and keep faith that you will find happiness and that your life will bring you someone who makes you feel secure and like a million bucks. Love and heartbreak are hard. They sometimes make it hard to remember that there are many, many fish in the sea.
I think you likely have a stronger sense of self than you realize. Love yourself and appreciate the awesome experience it is to explore and get to know new parts of yourself all the time. You’re going to be great!December 1, 2013 at 4:25 am #46015BigParticipant
I really feel for what you’re saying. I’ve experienced a similar sensation of loving someone very much because of a shared history, familiarity, and the number of good qualities that I fell in love with in the first place. Perhaps your answer lies in what you’ve finally put into words on your post. The reality of your relationship is that it’s one where you’re living in doubt, unsure if this is making you as happy as something else could. You might let go, idealize the past, and be sad for awhile. But when you do let go, please remember the feelings you have now.
Look at what you’re carrying around all the time: insecurity about your body, the way you dress, fear of spending time with the other people in your life… that’s all very unhealthy. If what you’re saying is true, perhaps you need to have a serious discussion with your partner about how your relationship WILL change or you’re done. That way, if the feelings come back, you’ll be sure in your head that leaving is the right thing to do. I don’t think an argument is the best place to bring this up. I think you could spit out “I need to talk to you…” and the rest will flow out.
If you’re feeling anything less than beautiful, radiantly sexy, confident, and at peace in your relationship, you need to be alone and open your heart to someone who makes you feel these things you deserve to feel. Breaking up might be the hardest thing you ever do, but you’ll thank yourself when someone comes along and makes you feel better than you ever knew you could feel. It’ll be effortless. Change or end your relationship. Don’t spend another week, let alone another six months, feeling like this.