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    Dear Anita,

    Thank you for asking me these questions.

    1. My currently plan is to survive and pay for his needs and fees while working in singapore. The working experience could help me get a better job and it will make me understand what I actually want to do in my life.

    2. I will be working in Singapore until I am done paying for my brother’s fees which will be end of next year. But I will not be staying with my grandaunt till then. She has been asking if I have started looking for other place, so I will probably move out once I found a better place by this year.

    3. I do not want to take his money. I understand his actions but I can’t bear to take his hard earned money unless I really have no other choices. I feel like I have to discuss this with my mum too, because it is a family matter.

    4. After I am done paying my brother’s fees, I will quit my current job after getting a job in Malaysia. I will then move back home first, and then move out once I am financially stable with my boyfriend. It is definitely going to take some time but thats okay, I guess.

    The reason why I am paying my brother’s fees was because my dad used to be a business man and he got cheated on by his business partners and went bankrupt. It all happened last year. My brother was left with finishing his degree. He wanted to study in Malaysia to lessen our burden but it will take him 4 years and now the uni he is studying in takes him only 2 years. So my mum wanted him to get it done and finish it early like I did so I have help my family out in paying his fees.

    I feel really bad for my brother so I don’t mention all this to him. I do not want him to feel bad or worsen his energy. I just hope I could endure and get it done and over with. It will be unfair for him if I don’t. I just want my brother to live like other teenagers.

    I still remember when my brother told me that he will choose to study in Malaysia. Me and my boyfriend actually took up the initiative to pay for everything because at least from my boyfriend’s perspective, we can still be together and it won’t cost as much as it does now.

    But it’s okay I guess. I just hope my dad and my brother is okay.




    Dear Giminie:

    I will tell you what I understand and please tell me if I understand correctly: your plan is to

    1. Work and live in Singapore until Dec 2021.

    2. Move out of your grandaunt’s and live elsewhere near your workplace, Singapore.

    2. Spend all the money that you make April 2020-Dec 2021 on your living expenses and on your brother’s education and living fees.

    3. At the end of 2021, Dec 2021, quit your job and move back to your mother’s in Malaysia and get a job in Malaysia.

    4. After saving money in Malaysia, move out of your mother’s and in with your boyfriend.

    ** Two more questions:

    1. Will your brother be able to get a job in 2022 (the year after he graduates) and make a good enough salary?

    2. What are your goals in life, what is it that you want for yourself, career wise and otherwise???

    I am asking these questions because I think that you shouldn’t endure the hardship you are enduring unless you have a good plan that makes sense. Too many people spend a lot of energy and time and resources without a good plan, and sometimes without a plan at all. And what happens is.. that there are no good results for all their work and time.

    Therefore, you should have a plan, and the best plan possible.

    Our time difference is huge, so when it is morning your time, it’s evening my time, and I am usually tired at this time. I will be back to the computer in about 11 hours. I will be fresh then and better able to reply to you, so feel free to post any length  of a post or posts, I will read all and reply when I am back.



    • This reply was modified 5 months ago by anita.

    Dear Giminie:

    I hope you are okay. I am concerned. You don’t have to answer my questions above. When “Drained” it is difficult answering questions. But when you are calm, answer any of these questions to yourself, so that what you choose to do brings you closer to a better life for yourself.



    Hi Giminie,

    I will not just “talk” you through your problems but will suggest you some practical tips and techniques.

    I will suggest you to do some ‘alternate nostril breathing’, at other times of the day and especially when you have the panic and anxiety. You can lookup how that is done or let me know if you don’t find.

    And when you wake up in the middle of the night, for a minute or two do this alternate nostril breathing. Then start counting the numbers 1 to 100 but backwards. Meaning – 100, 99, 98, ….and so on. You will experience that your numbers are going wrong or that you have forgotten which number you are at. If you remember the number, continue with that. If not then come back to 100 and start again. Let the counting draw your attention rather than anything else going on in the head. Do this till you reach the count of 1. Then again start from 100 to 1. You need to do this lying down on the bed as you may fall asleep and the next morning you may not even remember which number you were at :).

    Whenever one has anxiety or panic it is almost always due the thoughts associated at that time. You may not be able to recognise the thoughts at that time, but they are there, they are racing. If you are able to recognise and “see” what’s going on in your mind at that time, that is great and you have done half your job, but if you aren’t then this breathing exercise and counting will help you cut through that.

    Please do this for a couple of days and post back how it goes.

    Regarding your other situation about moving to another place, moving out of the job, etc, you yourself will make a right decision at the right time (maybe when the lockdown is over), or you may even feel better and have no problems with what is going on.




Viewing 4 posts - 16 through 19 (of 19 total)

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