Hi Supercao,

It is good that you have opened up about what happened at the party and it is clear to anyone that reads your post that you deeply regret your actions.
From reading your post it seems that the way you acted was out of character and not how you would normally behave, either way the only thing you can do now is move forward and move on. You mentioned you are married and have a family, hence it seems like nothing happened at the party that would pose a risk to any of these. Alcohol can make monsters out of decent people and can test relationships which might otherwise be stable.
In your case, it is important to recognise a. the fact that this could have been worse to your marriage and b. potentially lead to breaking up what can be cultivated as a good family but it seems like this was avoided.

Making amends is what you can focus on. You have to motivate yourself to see how the situation could have played out and what you can still do to save your image as a public figure and gain back the trust of people around you that may depend on you. This isn’t going to be an overnight process so it is important for you to bear with time and let your future actions speak for you.

Your ego is telling you that you should feel horrible, you should think about taking your life but you have to believe that this is all a result of your mind over analysing and causing paranoia. This is all the result of your ego clinging on to the image projected in your mind. People around you will quickly move on and look to focus on the next problem or point of interest to talk about and what seems like an impossible situation will pass and lose its effect as times passes, remember it is not permanent.

If you decide to publicly denounce your actions, which I think is a strong suggestion, then you have to act on making a positive change and after forgiving yourself, move forward and prove you willingness to change, so if your weakness is alcohol and ‘chasing’ other women then you have to tackle these issues individually and realise how they may cause your downfall and also the consequences may force on your loved ones. There is so much motivation to be learnt and your experiences can teach you and others valuable lessons.
I know of several stories where people have fallen to tragic circumstances and have not had the chance to realise their actions, you have realised this and just need to make that step in the right direction which you are capable of.

I hope this helps you see things from a different opinion and from the outside looking in what I can say is that human beings make mistakes, it is our nature, but we also have the ability to think outside the box and change and this should be your focus.

Dear supercao:

You are welcome. I hope you survive this difficult time, and come out better for it. Hope you eat, rest and sleep well.
anita