Dying relationship

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    I’ve been in a relationship for just over a year with someone I have known from the beginning of 2010. There was always something there but we were too young to make it work but I always pictured a future with him, so when our paths crossed again last year, we decided to date.

    We only see each other on weekends and when we’re together, everything is amazing. Life feels stress free and I feel genuinely cared for and loved but when we are apart, I feel like he couldn’t be bothered. He is a busy individual and I understand that but when I message him during the day, he actively ignores me and replies hours later giving me some lame excuse. It’s not that he doesn’t reply because he’s busy because he has time to sit on facebook which indicates that he just doesn’t want to respond to me. Despite his behaviour, he always tells me that I’m not affectionate or loving enough because I don’t message him enough and he wants me to call him during the day but when I do, he doesn’t answer. He doesn’t understand that these thing are not acceptable behaviour and is also hurtful. Feeling like a burden is not okay.

    We keep having the same fight over and over again and I would like to know how can I get him to understand my point of view as he is unable to. I do not want the relationship to end but something has to change. He also doesn’t understand that my parents are very strict and I don’t have the freedom to go away with him every other weekend and he claims that strict parents is always my excuse yet when he isn’t fighting with me or being unreasonable, he’s very scared of my parents.

    I don’t understand why he does an 180 degree change when we fight. normally he’s understanding but when we fight, he can’t see any form of reason. How do you deal with conflict in this situation? I want to fix our relationship and our communication but I have no idea where to start.

    Thank you in advance for your help.


    Dear May:

    You wrote: “I want to fix our relationship and our communication but I have no idea where to start”. My answer: start with a No-Aggression-Policy, no fighting, that is.

    No fighting.

    Can you do that, be assertive and not fight?




    You labelled your post as “Dying Relationship.”  This is telling in how you think of what is going on.

    You want to fix your relationship and communication.  Does your boyfriend?  It is hard to do that if he does not think it is a problem or that he does not want to make it better.

    You two might want to check out Marshall Rosenburg’s Non-Violent Communication process.  It is a simple process which helps in communication.

    You might want to read what the Tiny Buddha website has to offer as well…

    Sounds True One




    It sounds like your boyfriend is not mature enough to give you the love and attention you deserve. He very well knows your feelings, but is choosing not to improve his own behavior, but instead turn the blame on you. This is unhealthy and toxic, and you could easily find someone who could give you that weekend happiness on a daily basis. It is time to move on, you deserve better.

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