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Hi all 🙂
So recently my partner and I broke up and since we were both in two different countries. We were unable to keep in touch on the regular.
The day after the break up, I saw a drawing my partner had posted on social media and a comment under that from a female mentioning that she loved his art.
I followed the link to her profile only to be hit in the face with a whole bunch of nasty.
It seems he had met her while travelling and on the day right after we broke up had started posting on her facebook wall.
Progressively, I did notice when we were communicating on and off after the break up, that he was being very distant and diplomatic.
It seemed like everything fell into place for me then. Because as the weeks progressed, he had posted flirty messages on her wall.Unfortunately after about a week of no contact, I sent him a message simply asking if he was alright due to the Coronavirus situation and he replied shortly and asked how I was. At that point, I felt a very strong sense that something was not right and ended up checking the girl’s social media again only to find out he had posted ” If the coronavirus doesn’t take you out, can I?” and to which she had replied “yes” with hearts.
I lost my composure completely then as all the hurt and sadness and feeling of betrayal overwhelmed me. I felt in my gut that for a person to post on social media, surely they would have met and were communicating for a certain period of time before we even broke up. To me that seemed like emotional cheating as since we were having problems and going through a tough time, he decided that instead of turning to find a solution to those issues (his response to why he didn’t want to communicate with me was “you made me feeling bad for needing space and time to help my family and that was why I didn’t want to talk to you”), that he would find distractions elsewhere, with no regard to his partner who was struggling with feelings of hurt due to his lack of communication. Before things got bad at all, I had specifically told him that I didn’t require long phone calls or messages but short ones daily just to maintain a feeling of connection were perfectly fine, since it seemed he had enough signal connectivity to share posts on social media at the time.
I ended up sending a short message to the girl in question mentioning that we had just broke up and saying that “from woman to woman, being careful moving forward with him might be a good thing as I’m sure you might not be aware of everything that is going on”. And then I wished her well in case things do work out for them and mentioned that he is a good man for most part so good luck.
I admit this may have been a petty move and I’m not very proud of it, but it made me feel satisfied in that at least maybe another woman may not have to go through something blindly.
She had later sent the message to him which he forwarded to me and when I told him I don’t really care what he thinks and I was done, He said that now he had to block me and said goodbye.I’m feeling more settled in comparison to the emotional roller-coaster I was going through before and with battling feeling of uncertainty. Especially now because I feel like my gut feeling was right when I felt that something was off towards the end of the line just before the break up. I am wondering if maybe I overthought it or overreacted though?
I’m now focusing on moving on and if anyone has any tips and advice for kick starting the process, or any helpful words fo me in support it would be much appreciated!
Mona
Dear anita,
It’s lovely to hear from you, you’ve been such a support to me throughout this time!
Just for the record, He moved back to USA after he was finished helping his brother out, somewhere after February 12th, I’m not too sure of the exact date. However, yes, It does seem that he had time to spare to communicate afterwards. When I commented on this he told me he still needed space and when I asked wasn’t everything handled and we can start afresh now and talk and move past thins making sure if a similar issue arises, we would be better equipped to deal with it healthily. Unfortunately although I was willing to move forward with him, he wanted space to process his emotions as he resented that I made him feel like the bad guy and said “This is why I can’t even think of getting back together. Because you take what I say so negatively”
I suppose once the damage is done, there’s only so much that can be done to help the situation. At the least, I’m grateful for having listened to my gut and not letting up until I found out the information I needed which really helped me get the closure I hoped for that I had done everything I could.
All this aside, yes absolutely. There is a lot I must learn and I intend to hold myself with more value moving forwards as well. On speaking with my mother, she mentioned that unfortunately I was the kind of person who had more value than I gave myself credit for and to not sell myself short especially in a relationship.
Thank you so much, for everything you have done to provide support, not just for me,but also for so many others here!
Mona
Dear anita,
I will do so. I do still feel a little raw after the events of the last few days when this whole thing blew up and sometimes the emotions do rise again, but definitely not to the level they were coming to before. I believe after everything settles, I may even remember the man once in away with affection a few years down the line. I know I can be similar to a soda bottle at times, I will get intensely angry but once I let go of it completely, my nature does not allow me to hold grudges in the long term no matter how horrible things get and I’m honestly grateful for that quality.
I’m focusing on healing and recovering now as my mental and physical health has taken a huge toll. I feel physically weak. It’s not a very good way to be, considering the current situation.
I am actually in Sri Lanka now. Over the past few day the number of confirmed incidents have risen dramatically. The whole country is on edge and social distancing is very much encouraged, however there are still those individuals who may not have fully grasped the seriousness of the situation and that is quite frustrating.
I personally am working on the frontlines and have been over the past couple of months. I am a technical and applications specialist working in a company that supplies the required testing needs for the whole of Sri Lanka. I have been travelling around the country these days to support main laboratories and hospitals nationwide in setting up their testing for the coronavirus. Being a developing country, some laboratories need a bit more support and training for their staff in terms of the technical side of genetic testing and instruments.
I am in my mid 20s but I was fortunate enough to have had the opportunity to advance quickly in my career. I am the main person who conducts these training activities/ workshops and knowledge dissemination in the molecular biology division in my company.
I also handle the supply/distribution part in making sure the supplies needed for testing are available. Currently all airports have been shut down and Sri Lanka depends on foreign supplies and testing kits for a majority of the country’s diagnostic testing. My company is a major supplier of these resources. If we are unable to get the supplies, there is a huge danger of running out of tests and not being able to test for suspected patients. It really is a crisis situation.
As you can see with all this I’ve been extremelyyyyy stressed out! Really hoping the situation lightens up soon.
I hope you are maintaining your health, immune system and wellness as well 🙂
Mona
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