Hello yet again, again, Sleipnir 🙂

What you’re talking about above is often called parentification, or emotional parentification.

In healthy families, the parent comforts the child and the child gets to be a child.

In unhealthy families, the child ends up becoming the comforter, taking care of the parent’s emotional needs instead of being cared for themselves.

As for Opal, I think I understand the connection you’re making. Sometimes parents become so caught up in their own wounds that their child ends up carrying emotional burdens that never belonged to the child in the first place.

You mentioned Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl (on your own thread).

One of his most famous lines is:

“Those who have a ‘why’ to live, can bear almost any ‘how’.”

That made me wonder:

What is your “why,” Sleipnir?

I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours. 🙂

Anita

Still, a good Sat morning, Sleipnir 🙂

I’ll answer you on this thread and in the new one later in the day.

For now, I’m fascinated by your answer:

“To become a Great Artist”- what kind of Great Artist, I wonder..?

🤔 Anita

Good Sunday afternoon, Sleipnir:

Thank you for explaining. I think I understand your point much better now.

It sounds as though what interests you in both Opal and the My Little Pony story is the idea that people who have been deeply hurt often go on to hurt others. That doesn’t excuse the abuse, but it can help explain where it comes from.

I can see why those stories would stand out to you. Both seem to explore how pain can be passed along from one person to another, and how vulnerable people become caught in that cycle.

My thoughts: “Hurt people hurt people” is a common saying, but it’s only partly true. Many people who have been hurt become especially kind and careful not to harm others.

However, some hurt people do end up hurting others for several reasons:

1) When someone grows up around yelling, criticism, neglect, or abuse, may unconsciously repeat what was done to them because it feels familiar.

2) Someone who feels chronically afraid, ashamed, angry, or powerless may lash out when stressed because they have not learned healthier ways to cope.

3) Someone might be so consumed by their own fear, anger, shame, insecurity, or unmet needs that they lose sight of the other person as a separate individual with equally important feelings.

In healthy relating, we hold two realities at once: “I am hurting.” and “You are also a person with your own thoughts, feelings, and needs.”

In unhealthy relating, the first reality crowds out the second.

For example, an angry parent may be so focused on their own frustration that they no longer see the child as a frightened child. They see only an obstacle, a source of stress, or a problem to be controlled. The child’s feelings become invisible.

4) Some people also hurt others in an attempt to regain a sense of power. If they felt powerless or humiliated in the past, dominating someone else can temporarily relieve those feelings, even though it creates more harm.

What is important, though, is that pain explains behavior but does not excuse it. Understanding why an abusive or hurtful person acts the way they do can be useful, but it does not make the behavior acceptable.

Back to you, Sleipnir, your comment about wanting to become “an artist that says things that need to be said” also caught my attention. It sounds as though you want your art to do more than entertain. You want it to shine a light on things that are difficult, important, or often overlooked.

What kinds of things do you most want your art to say?

🤔 Anita