Hello all,

For some back story, my boyfriend knows how emotionally abusive my dad is, and he hates it (of course, I do too). Because of this, my boyfriend always avoids him. And because of this, and other silly, judgmental reasons (for example- my dad claims he’s a “loser” because he doesn’t work in a scientific field, which will “ensure” him more money…..oy), my dad never liked him. I know he’s only looking out for me, but his opinions are misguided and old-fashioned.

Last December, my boyfriend and I broke up. My dad was too happy about this. He was just elated. A couple months later, my boyfriend and I worked things out and got back together. However, I never told my dad, and it’s been about 6 months.

I’m terrified of my dad’s wrath. I count my blessings that he isn’t physically abusive, but his words hurt and he uses EVERYTHING against me (he kindly paid for University, and because I didn’t study what he wanted me to study, he holds it over me whenever he gets mad at something, no matter how irrelevant it is- and I graduated collage over 2 years ago). He will holler, scream, blame me for things I’m not to blame for, victimize himself, and finally, hold it over me for the rest of my life. Everyone who knows his wrath compares him to a bratty child. He only thinks of himself and his own emotions- everyone else’s feelings don’t matter at all.

My boyfriend is beginning to lose his patience. He is tired of keeping this a secret. But he doesn’t know just how much my dad dislikes him. He says awful things about him. I don’t dare tell my boyfriend about these things because 1. they’re not true, 2. it doesn’t matter because my dad isn’t right in the head (to be abusive, I imagine you can’t be right in the head) and 3. boyfriend would get angry at something neither of us can control.

I know that my dad’s anger is not my problem. But it hurts and it’s really frightening. My dad and I’s relationship has slowly been getting better over the years (it was and still is very strained because of the abuse he puts my family through), and I’m pretty sure this won’t help any. He also just insisted on buying me a car with his inheritance, which I tried to avoid since he WILL hold it over me, but he won out. So of course, If I tell him I’m dating the guy again, he will say “I even just bought you a car! How could you go against my wishes and date him again?”. I don’t know what to do. It’s such a weird situation. Does anyone have suggestions?

Thank you all in advance 🙂 I hope you all have a lovely day.