fbpx
Menu

Engaged and Confused

HomeForumsRelationshipsEngaged and Confused

New Reply
Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #213415
    Paulina
    Participant

    Hi Guys.

    I need your help. I’ve been with my fiance for almost 5 years now, over 3 years engaged. When we first met it was magical, intense and I felt so happy that I found a good guy, cause I had a very abusive boyfriend before. Things were going quite well. Not everything was perfect – like he was a virgin when we met, he has some strong preferences in bed, which I don’t feel at all, he’s career and all money literally fell apart – but we got through it and kept going forward. He put himself together, earns and staff so the money is no longer an issue, the sex related problems do though. For 3 years or so I was so much in love, that I was ignoring the differences but after that – for the last almost 3 years I am feeling more and more frustrated. And I’ve started to regularly fall in love with other man. I know it sounds weird but every time I find someone that I super care about it just so happens that me or him moves away, it’s super weird but that’s what’s happening. So we keep going with the relationship we have.

    It’s weird, cause  everything seems to be fine, when I look at my current relationship logically – it seems that our it is perfect. People always say how amazing we are as a couple and express that they want the same thing in life. And I don’t know WHY but I feel sad and disappointed when I think that we’re gonna get married. Though there are moments when I’m like “Yes, it’s fine, I feel fine, let’s get married now, before I stop feeling it again”.

    I was wondering about the reasons and when I talked to my sister the other day she said that we don’t act like two people in a relationship, but like twins. And that because of luck of this energy “men vs woman” we don’t feel intense emotions and feel bored. Well I don’t know but I do know, that we indeed acts like a brother and sister who also have sex occasionally. My mom told me, that she keeps being with my father despite his mistakes because he can still make her feel like a teenage girl.. Well I don;t know if my fiance can… I know this is fricking silly but I love kissing and he hates it. He will only kiss if we are to have sex. Which is fine, but the making out part is what makes me feel like I’m a teenage girl. I told him that several times but he just jokes and says that kissing is for kids.

    I told him today about all my concers and he said he’s had enough of me being not happy with our relationship and that he’ll move out next week. I know that he won’t do it unless I push him to do it, but like.. I try to talk about what is important for me and to understand what’s going on in our relationship and his only response is that I’m being ridiculous and that everything I’m saying is not true.What to do. I don’t even know what my question is here… I just feel so confused… Should I stay in the relationship and accept that every 6 months I will be falling in love with a new man and just assume it’s normal, and go on with the marriage, kids, life? Is this how you feel in the marriage long term? Am I just being childish, wishing I would feel more alive, more happy, more young in my relationship?

    #213463
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Paulina:

    It reads clear to me that marrying him is not a good  idea. It doesn’t matter what people say, that you look like an amazing couple. Looks are often deceiving and people imagine or assume things that are not true.

    Here is why it is not a good idea that you get married with him: you share with him what is important to you and he tells you that what is important to you, is ridiculous to him.

    (“I try to talk about what is important for me and … his only response is that I’m being ridiculous”)

    It is not a good idea to marry a man who thinks that … your thinking is ridiculous.

    anita

    #213529
    Paulina
    Participant

    Thank you Anita for your response. To be honest it made me laugh when he said that because I couldn’t believe that this is really his response. I think it made him feel worse cause I said I think we need more energy between us and that I should be more female and he more male as we are too similar and because of that there is not much romantic emotions going on. And this is quite impimportant to me… He says he wants to be with me but “he refuses to accept my silly concerns”. I don’t want to rush into anything – I am an opposite of rushing to conclusions and acting on emotions. And because of that I don’t know how much I should accept as “life” and when I should separate.. How should I feel about my relationship after 6 almost 6 years, thinking of getting married?

    #213565
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Paulina:

    I don’t know about your sister input, saying that the two of you are like twins. I don’t understand the twins idea or the female/male energy concept (not without specifics). What I do understand is that you feel sad and disappointed when you think of marrying him (“I feel sad and disappointed when I think that we’re gonna get married”)

    Why you feel this way doesn’t change the fact that you do and that for as long as you do, you shouldn’t marry him.

    There is a valid message behind what we feel even though we may not be aware of what it is at any one time. It may be the sexual preferences you mentioned. The valid message behind your sadness may be:  I don’t want to live the rest of my life accommodating those sexual preferences.

    The valid message in you falling in love with other men may be: the fact that this man is not like the ex boyfriend (“very abusive”), does not make him good enough for me to marry. There is probably a man more compatible out there, someone I will be happy to marry.

    What do you think?

    anita

Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.