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establishing a relationship

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  • November 4, 2014 at 11:31 am #67312
    Paul
    Participant

    After being separated for more than a year and a half I’m trying to pursue a new and lasting relationship. My fear is that I might “scare” off that new someone if I move to fast and appear to obsess and smother the possibility of developing something lasting and meaningful . I’m seeing someone now and it’s still pretty casual. Great kisses and hugs after a date but when I write to this person about missing her or thinking about her I don’t get a reciprocal response. Now I feel like I should filter myself and just be light and breezy and I find that difficult since I’m a hopeless romantic wearing my heart on my sleeve. I’m already (obviously) having real feelings for her and I don’t want to sabotage what could be something special. If this sounds needy then that’s who I am. I really want this to work so any honest advice would be welcomed.

    November 4, 2014 at 1:45 pm #67326
    Matt
    Participant

    Paul,

    Its OK to have some intensity, and the problem really isn’t scaring them off. Its in the feelings growing slower on their side can appear invalidating, discouraging. Consider approaching romance like you would a garden. You plant seeds, hoping they sprout, but temper that hope with patience. Things blossom in their own time, ya know?

    Not too much water, such as “I miss you”, or the seeds drown. Not too much sun, such as “I want to build something lasting” or the ground gets scorched. In the middle, there is Paul the child-like explorer, accepting what is, but wishing patiently. 🙂

    With warmth,
    Matt

    November 13, 2014 at 1:06 pm #67785
    jeena
    Participant

    That’s a beautiful response, Matt! I agree! Paul, I’m in the same boat, except I haven’t expressed those overwhelming feelings for this very reason. As Matt says, we just have to silently wish for love to grow on their end as well.

    November 13, 2014 at 5:54 pm #67794
    Gardener1
    Participant

    Beautiful response is right. I’ll take that on board myself 🙂 but it often says a lot if the response isn’t what you hope for. I’m my case I am very interested in a guy who us also interest in my but the problem us my eagerness and he’s lack of experience. I took this the same at the start thinking I don’t want to jump in but to slow something to grow organically. What happened was I relaxed because he was relaxed and as I found myself having to prompt so much I realised this guy isn’t for me. Once the person knows you are interested if they don’t respond as you wish than you need to ask yourself 1. If this person is really into you and 3. Will your needs be met in the long run?
    Good luck.

    November 13, 2014 at 5:55 pm #67795
    Gardener1
    Participant

    Poor grammar sorry on my mobile and that’s 2. Not 3. Lol

    November 14, 2014 at 3:41 am #67816
    Janice
    Participant

    Great response Matt! And beautifully written!

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