Dear Connie:

I asked if you miss the feeling you had with him, at times, do you? Can you describe that feeling?

anita

Dear Connie:

Well, you listed a few feelings: that sense of security (I referred to it as safety), anticipation and excitement, and happiness. It is these feelings that you are missing. These feelings were triggered in you when you saw him, talked to him, thought about him.

On the other hand, there are other feelings you experienced when with him and when thinking of him. Do you remember the feelings that were not so pleasant as those you listed above?

anita

Dear Connie:

When you miss him it will help if you remember not only the pleasant feelings but also the unpleasant feelings you experienced then. It will be helpful because you will have all of the emotional reality of the relationship in mind and heart, a balanced view of it. For as long as you remember only the pleasant, you will keep missing a man and an experience that … wasn’t and isn’t what you remember.

Regarding your last sentence: what does it mean to you, being single for the first time since 2011?

anita

Dear Connie:

I imagine you lost all desire to date because you experienced a lot of distress in the more than six years of constant dating/ relationships. A break reads like a good idea to me.

anita

Hi Connie,

For some reason, I have been thinking of my ex too, (the one with the birthday in early October). I wonder if he is happy and if he thinks of me. The selfish part of me wants him to be single and unhappy, but I think it is the lonliness talking and the approach of the Holidays spent alone. I hope you are feeling any better?