Hi Laika,

Tell your ex that his friend can reach out and talk to you directly. That you’re not going to go through him so he can go to his friend so your friend can talk to you on Discord so the friend can go back to him to tell him what you said. Ask him why would you want to do that? Tell him that you’re not doing the gang’s emotional labor.

Or, don’t talk to your ex at all. Just blow him off.

Best,

Inky

Dear Laika:

In your previous thread, September last year, this now ex boyfriend has been a long distance boyfriend for a while. He has been living with his mother and younger siblings in an apartment, unemployed and not engaged in any significant effort to look for a job. Instead, he spent a lot of time on the computer. And he was about thirty,  or older than 30. On the occasions you met him in person,  it was you who paid for airfare and other expenses. Sometimes, when visiting him, he spent some money on you if his mother gave him a little money to spend on an outing with you.

He told you all along that he loves you, that he will get a job. You even sent him money so to prepare a resume of sorts. But he … never got a job. When you got tired of him not doing anything to move on in his life, that is, to get a job and be able one day to move in with  you and have a life with you as a couple, he asked his mother to talk you into not breaking up with him.

Most recently, he asked an online friend of his to  talk you into resuming the long distance relationship with him. He may not even consider the relationship over because you and him are still communicating, business as usual. (As a matter of fact, is her really an “Ex boyfriend”?)

I sure hope, Laika, that if you are interested in a boyfriend who will be employed and living with you as a partner, that you will remove your focus from him and look around, maybe there is a man out there for you who lives in the same city and country as you, who  is employed, who is not living with his mother and young siblings, and who does not make false promises to you.

anita