Dear Sushmita:

You are very welcome. It makes sense that feelings came up intensely, being that (1) you are living in his hometown, (2) all your friends are getting married and having kids (so you feel left out.. different?), and (3) you knowing that at 29, he is still not married.. maybe that gave you hope that there may be a future with him after all..?

You wrote yesterday: “I have no one to share this with.. nobody understands.” You shared similar things in the past.. that you felt so lonely, like you don’t have anyone, living with no sense of connection to anything or to anyone.

Perhaps another reason why these feelings came up because the last time you felt connected to someone was years ago, to him? And in the vacuum of current connections, that past connection reinvaded your emotional space?

Connecting with people is a crucial part of mental health.. because we are social animals, or as one song says: “We are people who need people”.

Thank you for not giving up on yourself and please post again anytime, express yourself, connect wit me here, if you would like. Don’t be alone with your feelings.. and listen to the messages behind your feelings (a need to connect with others..?)

🤍🌿 Anita

I try to find peace in God but then i doubt about his existence too.. this monologue never ends.. i believe in higher power but idk what have i became where do i start to clean this mess..maybe by getting a job but i am not so confident in that too.. not satisfied in the career i am pushed into . I feel i should have done some corporate thing but the pressure of getting govt job and stability is too much here. I wish life was something else.. i had done some different degree and lived in some other place

Dear Sushmita:

You are very welcome 😊

It is not your fault that your self-esteem is low (“I feel not good enough… My self esteem seems so shaken.. I always keep putting others ahead of me… I feel inferior to even kids”), and it is not your fault that you are changeable, unpredictable, or emotionally volatile with some people (I am mercurial.. I know it is truth.. but I am not mercurial with everyone”), given the fact that you grew up in a chaotic home with parents who blamed and abused each other a lot, and then turned on you, blaming and abusing you, their only child.

On July 17, 2022, you wrote: “my parents do have issues. It’s 24/7 of fighting and blaming each other, using abusive words. But in all this chaos..”. Today you wrote: “The more I want to be at peace the more I am not at peace”-

A child carries the chaos of her childhood into adulthood. Not by choice. It’s just something that happens. It happened to me. Again, it’s not your fault.. not your choice, not your fault.

It takes an intentional healing process.. patiently, over time to calm that chaos inside and to build a higher and higher, healthy self-esteem, and these are possible for you!

On Feb 22, 2024, you wrote: “I am towards healing… I am working towards achieving my goals and bettering my life.. To anyone going through heartbreaks.. just hang in there.. you’ll get the courage to overcome. Do not fight for someone who is okay with losing you.. The world is big .. there are plenty of fishes in the sea .. but first work on yourself”-

You said it yourself back then, work on yourself, which to me means to engage in the healing process that’s available to you. Just need to be consistent, patient, to not give up when you’re feeling low and lonely.

You asked me today: “but what is the practical solution to not feeling like this..”?

First thing to do is to protect yourself from abusive people such as your parents, this guy who made fun of you and all the guys who just want to use you (“most of them just want to get me in their bed”).

Second thing to do is to elevate your self-esteem and regulate your emotions. Of course, these are easier said that done. This is why I refer to healing as a process over time which takes being consistent and patient. There are so many books and online sources on the matter.. but there’s no substitute for the inner motivation that it takes, the commitment that’s required and “the courage to overcome” (your words, above).

🤍🌿 Anita

Dear Sushmita:

I am using my phone because of loss of power due to storms, so this will not be a long message. About Regret, it’s a trap, and Ithink that what fuels it is self-judgment.

Try to replace self-jdgment with self-compassion, compassion for Sushmita who tried so hard and suffered too much.
🤍💫 Anita