Ex married 2 weeks after break up – HELP

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    Well here is my story in a nutshell and yes I feel pathetic for not being able to get myself past these feelings of depression.

    I was married for 10 years and immediately after my divorce I started dating a girl that I had been friends with for several years. We were together for 5 years and everything was perfect. We never lived together because both of us did enjoy having some space to ourselves and our kids (she had 2 girls and I have 1 boy). We had talked about getting married several times over the years but both felt that our current situation was working and not to change it. Her dad had been diagnosed with colon cancer right before I quit my job in November. Then a couple of months later she had an emotional break down and came over and “kind of not really” broke up with me. She said she needed space to think so we talked for a couple of days after the break down and then finally I told her I would give her space. Then about a week later I found out she got married to a guy that works with her mother. This guy was a friend of the family for years, he is 15 years older than her, and recently divorced.
    They have been married for 2 years now and they just had a baby.
    During this time I have started working out, dated, and even been intimate with several women but I still feel like I will never have another relationship like I did with her. I know it would never work even if she came back and said all the magic words to try again so how do I get passed these feelings? I think I do a pretty good job of keeping up appearances but my close friends and family know I’m just not the same anymore.

    Onder Hassan

    Hi Lee,

    There’s a quote that a friend of mine gave me about women that I often give others whenever They ask me for advice on their relationships and it’s usually this:

    The Medium Is The Message

    Women generally communicate on a covert level and are very rarely overt about why they do things in the context of dating and relationships. If they’re in a particular emotional state, then it’s very rarely spoken verbally or logically with the guy and often leaves the man feeling frustrated and confused. This is what causes complications because you can’t communicate it logically and have to essentially read her non-verbal communication and act accordingly.

    Women need their men to just know how they’re feeling at all times without having to sit down and discuss it with him. It sucks but it’s the facts. Women talk on an emotional level while men communicate logically. In order to improve your relations you have to be willing to learn to speak their language.

    So lets put things into context based on your situation. Your GF needed some time apart. That was essentially her way of saying “I don’t want to be around you anymore, have met someone else or potentially am interested in someone else who’s willing to get married and want my distance from you”. Think about it, why would someone want to be away from someone they love??

    This girl basically wanted to get married. She didn’t get that level of commitment from you and decided to move on. The end.

    My advice for you is to simply move on and continue working on yourself as you’re already doing. There are approximately 3.5 Billion women on the planet at this very moment. So the idea that you won’t ever meet another girl like her is basically not true and statistically impossible.

    Get out there and start meeting more women. You will be surprised at how many of them you’ll meet and connect with.

    Good Luck,



    Yes. Ho hum. Uncalled-for sexism aside, your story is a sad one, Lee. You consider your problem to be all about some stuff that happened two years ago?

    OK, so she broke up suddenly and it turned out there was someone else on the scene. Someone she married right away. That’s pretty weird. It’s also totally not about you. That’s what she decided to do with her life. I understand it hurts, but there’s nothing I or a therapist or anyone can do to explain it. It also doesn’t really need explaining. It’s what happened. It’s on her.

    What you need to be noodling your brain about is what makes you hang on to this woman and this story. Or, put differently, what will it take for you to let go? What do you think is the reason this haunts you so? You haven’t said anything about that, so I sure can’t tell you.

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