Mlssamrtn,

Sometimes when we experience another’s desire (“I don’t want to have more kids”) we get spooked and solidify that desire as eternal. Such as “OK, so staying with him means I don’t get to have kids of my own”. Desires are usually more fluid than that, such as stressful days produce the “100%” desire for no more kids, while joyous produce the desire for more kids. In him, did you explore how certain he is of that? How long he’s been feeling that? Do you really have enough information to know that staying with him means not having kids?

He may not want more responsibility, but be more flexible than just “not kids”. Often, I will say “I don’t want to go to the store”, but my wife does, so we do. If you decide you do want kids, and say as such to him, then you’ll start having the conversation with him that will give you the information you need to make the decision. If he finds out he has a loving partner, perhaps the burden that comes along with being a parent will decrease his reluctance. Stranger things have happened! Otherwise, move on, find a partner that shares your desire. Kids/not kids is a fundamental one, and being on different pages with that desire often leads to resentment, in my experience.

With warmth,
Matt