Falling in love with an unattractive guy?

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This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Valora 5 months, 2 weeks ago.

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    I hate labeling people as unattractive. But what I mean is… I am falling in love with a guy who is not attractive to me. But I use the term “falling in love” very lightly because I have a boyfriend. However, my boyfriend does not treat me well in the slightest bit. Our relationship is extremely abusive and I am currently trying to become independent from him. Yes, I do love and care for my boyfriend but I know I deserve better.

    But when I say “falling in love” I mean that I love the way this other guy makes me feel. He is interested in my life and well being. He is one of those guys who are kind, honest, and sincere, which I think is very rare as I’ve only stumbled upon about 2 of these guys in my entire life. Our personalities go together very well and everything… but he is unattractive to me. So I am confused about why I like him? Do I even like him? Is this considered normal?

    I once had a crush on a guy like this about 4 years ago. His name was Joe. I fell in such a deep infatuation with this Joe because of his personality. He was a scrawny, short kid with nothing to show in regards to looks. But his personality was marvelous and he made me feel confident and happy. I ended up having a crush on him for 2 years before we admitted to liking each other. We never ended up dating and decided to stay friends as I was not ready for a relationship. It was also because I had no sexual feelings for Joe. He was such a good guy that he ended up being the one to try to help me when I first met my current boyfriend. He would always try to explain to me that I am way better than him and he didn’t like the way he treated me. I had a crush on him from 8th grade until 10th grade. I lost feelings for him when I met my boyfriend. As soon as my current boyfriend began to abuse and manipulate me, I lost all ability to think for myself. It wasn’t that I lost feelings for him… it was more so that fear took over and I was in survival mode and I had no idea how to handle my situation. My boyfriend forced me to block Joe on everything and I did… out of fear.


    This new guy reminds me of Joe. He cares for my well being and seems to admire me a lot. He just isn’t attractive to me. I almost want to puke when I think about us hooking up?

    As of now, this guy and I are strictly friends. But it is almost one of those situations where you know a guy would do anything to be with you.

    I am just very confused about my feelings and need some help sorting them out.



    Hi Katie,

    From the sounds of it, you are do either like and love the guy who genuinely cares and treats you well, and personally, that should be highly regarded over everything else.

    Looks fade with age, what you need to see in a man he’s character, personality and how a great companion he can be to you.

    If your current boyfriend is treating you ill, then you should be out of this toxic relationship. Love isn’t how much you are attracted, but how much you both feel content and yourselves around each other.

    I hope you make a right choice.

    Take care,



    Here’s the thing about attraction… it can increase or decrease with the person’s personality.  There have been guys in my past who I was not even close to being attracted to at first and then the more I got to know them, the more attractive they become to me to the point where I really fell for them. And then others have been so super attractive at first but turned out to be terrible guys, treating people horribly and just not fun to be around, and those guys lost attractiveness.  So I think maybe you need to give the guy who treats you well some time. Keep getting to know him since there is obviously something there and keep working on getting out of the abusive relationship in the meantime. Who knows, maybe by the time you’re free of your relationship, you will have developed a real attraction to the man who will treat you how you deserve.

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