I once had a friend with benefits for about 2 months, it was right after a break-up with a guy i was with for two years. I thought it was nice to be able to have all the fun without the pressure of a relationship. We made an agreement to only sleep with each other but how did i really know he was sticking to the agreement? Anyways long story short, after I found out he was trying to sleep with one of my co-workers, and he was also my co-worker, I decided enough was enough. Never mix business and pleasure!

My advice to you would be walk away. Must men who say they only want sex, really mean what they say. I would not put myself though it. Even during the short time I was with my friend with benefits, I started to develop feelings for him. I guess you could say I started to like him even though I knew he was not the right guy for me.

I think if you continue sleeping with him, you are only going to do more damage. I would state your feelings once more and see what he has to say, and if he didn’t feel the same way then you need to let it go before you cause yourself anymore emotional pain. I learned from that experience and no matter how lonely I am or how much I want to be with another man I will never have sex with him unless I truly care about him. I believe having casual sex with only end up making you feel worse about yourself in the long run, maybe that’s just me. I hope this helps 🙂

• This reply was modified 10 years, 3 months ago by Brandi Nicole.

In addition to the other heartfelt responses, I will add something that I hope will help you put this in another perspective.

My husband and I have an aquaintance who is a swinger. He is an incredibly “nice guy,” handsome, friendly, open conversationalist, charming, giving, you name it. He also loves to make love to women, many, many, many women, in a way that you described. This seemed incomprehensible to me so I asked him how he can do this, what does this mean to him. He said he views sex the same as dancing. He sees someone he would like to dance with, he dances fully enjoying the dance, and then he moves on to dance with someone else. Sometimes he dances with same women but mostly with many others. And he said he loves this lifestyle and would not change it for anything.

To most people sex is viewed much differently. It is an extention and expression of deep love between two people. When that level of intimacy occurs, you bear yourself so to say to another person and let them see inside of you, which you don’t do with just anyone. So when you engage with someone who views sex differently, it naturally “messes with your mind.” Rest assured that it is not personal, it is not you, it is nothing that you did, and you are not in any way undesirable or unattractive. It is just that he may view sex as a dance and you do not.

When people come to me for advice about sex and relationships, I always tell them to take their time. To know someone takes longer than just a few days or a few weeks. Take the time to see if your views allign, if this is someone you want to share yourself with in such a deep way. Everyone is different but knowing yourself helps engage with others in ways that are healthy for you.

I hope this brings you comfort and a little more knowledge.
Much light and warmth to you,
Helen

To reiterate the points made by other posters. i do believe that he is being genuine in what he says his intentions are. There are just some people who have a tendency to avoid intimacy and believe it or not do that by having sex with lots of people or trying to objectify the relationship to avoid that intimacy.

If you enjoy the liaisons then by all means keep doing what you enjoy. But if you have an idea in your mind that you are hoping for some sort of different future than what you have then do not fool yourself. He is getting exactly what he envisions and you are settling for a vision you may not want and a hope for a future that won’t be realized with him. Not a good deal for you.

Just like guys who are often mostly after sex have fears of intimacy I think they attract mates who sometimes are on the other end of the spectrum (afraid of not having intimacy). The two seem to attract each other but are rarely that great a fit for each other.

if you are interested there is a fantastic book that opened my eyes: http://www.amazon.com/Attached-Science-Adult-Attachment-YouFind/dp/1585429139 and it will help anyone interested in why they fall for the wrong people, may find themselves in a pattern of unsatisfying relationships and how to course correct and find the right person that will give them the greatest amount of satisfaction.

Best of luck to you, please don’t settle for less than you deserve.