Hi All.

My mums side are the family are ‘close’ and we all get together maybe 5/6 times a year. My mum has 3 sisters and everyone is so opinionated of each other that in the past they have said things that are negative and not needed. However, being family – you let this drift away.

I have just got engaged and i am extremely happy. We have decided to get married abroad. We know weddings aren’t cheap and we have been looking locally but we just aren’t satisfied. Ideally we would run away and do it just us 2 but because we have a big family we know everyone would be annoyed and i would like my parents there at least. However, my grandpparents are old and they wouldn’t be able to come. Now I have considered this and thats why we were looking at local weddings as i didn’t want to upset them. However, after a month of looking we felt all we were doing is creating a wedding to please others. So we have decided that to us what is important is the ‘marriage’ and we want to go to France to do this, whoever wants to join us is welcome.

My auntie has called me selfish. We understand that to some people we are selfish and their opinions are their own BUT i don’t like how she put it. She said it on a facebook group of about 30 people so everyone could see – it was horrible and we were made to feel like some villains.

We also are planning an engagement meal and traditionally (many years ago) the parents would pay for the meal. However, this is something I have arranged – not my parents and to be honest i don’t want them paying. Throughout my child hood they were generous in many ways and now I am earning i want to stand on my own two feet. They haven’t even offered – but my auntie phoned me and asked why my parents weren’t paying, she said ‘its bad enough having to pay for our own meal’. I thought it was extremely rude to ask and then i explained and she said ‘well if we know your earning, why aren’t you and Matt paying’. I was gobsmacked that she could be so cheeky and upfront and ask for us to pay, she told us she wasn’t happy that she was having to pay.

Now you see – her daughter (my cousin) is getting married and she is paying for her daughters wedding, engagement meal everything – so she expects the same in return. However, because she is doing this she now can’t afford to do anything else like come to our engagement meal or wedding abroad. They have a mortgage free house worth £400,000 and don’t work – yet somehow manage to be able to afford a £15,000 wedding for their daughter. It doesn’t make sense.

These are the only family members who have given their opinion and said we have excluded them. We haven’t whatsoever. I tried to text my cousin as she declined our engagement invite because of the way i spoke to her mum (calling her rude)… I said i wish she could come and our day is very special and i hope she will consider it – trying to not cause a dispute and now she’s saying ‘i don’t agree that we have to pay for your meal’ and ‘i dont agree with getting married abroad’.

Quite frankly, their reasons are selfish and nothing to do with them! I understand the grandpparents situation entirely and i’m worried about this but we have to do what is right for us. We have even considered a blessing on our return so they can enjoy the weddding day again and a nice meal.

I don’t know what to do i am so angry and their opinions and hurt of what they have said.