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Family Event – Don’t Want To Go .

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  • #361921
    Roxy360
    Participant

    I would like some advice please !

    I tend to hold grudges , I realise that , my husband is just the most gentle unassuming person anyone could imagine anyway his father is turning 80 , his sister has invited us to a celebration for the occasion , but earlier this year his mothers sister had a family event for her 80th , and we both were not invited even though his sister and father were , my husband mother is deceased , my husband was incredible hurt for a long time and still is by this !
    So now these same people will be attending this event , my husband and I both feel it will be very uncomfortable for both of us and really don’t want to go , but also our 3 adult children and our 6 grandkids have been invited as it’s their grandfather’s birthday , our kids know nothing of our issue with my husbands family . We would never say anything to discourage them from going . The party is to be held at my husbands sisters home .

    really would like some guidance on this one .
    kind regards R .

    #361942
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Roxy360:

    Your husband’s aunt invited you to your father in law’s 80th birthday. Same aunt did not invite you or your husband earlier this year to her won 80th birthday celebration, which hurt your husband’s feelings deeply. Neither you nor your husband want to attend the event. Your 3 adult children and 6 grandchildren are likely to attend the event and they don’t know about the issue.

    For me to offer you the guidance you asked for, I need answers to these two questions:

    1. Do you have any idea why your husband’s aunt did not invite her nephew or you to her own birthday, and did any confrontation on the matter take place?

    2. If your adult children attended that earlier event, didn’t they notice that you and your husband weren’t there, and if so, how is it that they don’t know of an issue?

    anita

    #361972
    Roxy360
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Thank you so much for replying .

    Just to clarify, my sister in-law is the one that has invited us to the upcoming party , not the same Aunty who didn’t invite us to her 80th celebration.

    Confrontations – my husband phoned his Aunt to wish her happy birthday , and said he would have loved to attend her party but wasn’t invited as this point we assumed and were led to believe  it was her son that didn’t invite us ( he tends to be on the arrogant side ) so that made sense to us , Aunty informed my husband she knew he was not invited and it was her choice and that she had to “cut numbers”  . It was a very casual event so that didn’t seem right .
    My husband was sad and disappointed but was not confrontational at all .
    We did get a visit from his sister the day of that party which I said to her , we aren’t invited and have no idea why my husband was excluded she mentioned it was probably the son that excluded us because “ we know what he is like “ .
    I do believe sister in-law knew it wasn’t his doing  and if she had been honest and said it was Aunty who didn’t invite us my husband would not have made that phone call .
    Our kids were not invited and did not attend that party .
    I have also told my husband if he wants to attend this party he should do so , I have always been socially awkward so at my age I’m good to avoid any stress and anxiety this event will bring to me if I attend , just a little sad if I don’t go that I miss out on seeing all the children together.
    I do make a lot of effort to have all my grandkids together at our home whenever possible though .
    I really do appreciate any input and experience people have in these type of situations.
    kind regards R

    #361979
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Roxy360:

    You are welcome. Your sister in law  told you that the reason you weren’t invited to the aunt’s 80 birthday was probably because of the aunt’s son (your husband’s cousin). Next, your husband called his aunt to wish her Happy Birthday, assuming it was her son responsible for not being invited. The aunt then proceeded to tell your husband that it was her choice to not invite him, so to “cut numbers”. So you figured the sister knew it was the aunt’s choice and lied to you when pointing to the aunt’s son as the reason to not having been invited.

    Recently that same sister invited you and your husband to her home so to celebrate your husband’s father 80 birthday celebration.

    It is possible that the sister really thought that the aunt’s son was responsible for you and your husband not being invited (maybe “cutting numbers” was his idea!). Maybe.. if this is a possibility, and you find out it is true, you may feel okay about attending the event.

    In any case, you told your husband that he can attend the event if he wants to, so it will be his choice.  Because you “have always been socially awkward”, and such events sometimes cause you stress and anxiety- that’s a good enough reason for you to not attend the event. You can send a small gift and a card with your husband for his father, if you want to,  and stay home.

    anita

     

    #362062
    Roxy360
    Participant

    Thanks Anita,

    I appreciate your input and advice!

    kind regards,

    R

    #362082
    anita
    Participant

    You are welcome, Roxy360.

    anita

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