Home→Forums→Tough Times→Family is always good?
- This topic has 7 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 2 months, 2 weeks ago by Anonymous.
December 22, 2022 at 8:12 am #412330
My first time posting here…
Long short story my mother died 5 years ago of cancer. I think it’s not necessary to describe the pain and feelings…
From there, our aunt ( my mom’s sister) decided to turn her back from us. Out father was very upset that she did this and he hates her.
On top of that , is my grandmother… She suffered like all of us.
From forever her favourite daughter was our aunt.
After mom died, she starter telling people that my dad can’t raise me good, that my dad is forbidding us to talk to her (which is not true, of course). People started going to my father and say ” you know what that woman is saying about you and your daughter?”
And an old lady suddenly told me today that i should be ashamed of talking so little with my grandmother.
And now i feel like i’m drowning. I respect her, but everytime i talk to her i remember all that she has done and she is always saying that she suffers but when my aunt is at home, she never comes to us or call us.
Am i such a bad person? I don’t know what to do….December 22, 2022 at 9:25 am #412333AnonymousGuest
I am sorry for your loss of 5 years ago.
“Family is always good?” No, way too often, family is not good.
“Our aunt (my mom’s sister) decided to turn her back from us… My grandmother… From forever, her favourite daughter was our aunt. After mom died, she started telling people that my dad can’t raise me good, that my dad is forbidding us to talk to her (which is not true, of course)… she is always saying that she suffers but when my aunt is at home, she never comes to us or call us“-
– reads to me that your grandmother manipulates people via guilt-tripping: falsely accusing people of causing her to suffer. I tend to think that your mother, growing up with her mother (your grandmother), suffered from being guilt-tripped, and from being the unfavored daughter.
Maybe your grandmother turned her favorite daughter against the unfavorite daughter while the two were children. Fast forward, after your mother’s passing, she turns her favorite daughter against your father and against you, spreading lies about the two of you. I am guessing that this is your grandmother MO, modus operandi: how she operates when it comes to personal relationships. Am I correct?
“Am I such a bad person?“- your grandmother seems to be the bad person, and I feel badly that as a result, you and your father are suffering.
“I don’t know what to do“- to the extent that it is possible, do not give your grandmother opportunities to hurt you further by… having no contact with her. What do you think of my suggestion?
anitaDecember 22, 2022 at 9:35 am #412334
Thanks for your great response! I was so down today..
This is what i tried until now: talk as from respect because she is my mother’s mom, but that’s it.
But today, when that lady thrown to me that i should be ashamed and feel guilty… A lot of questions started in my head: am i such a bad person? Should i talk more with her? Maybe my mother is upset on me?
Thanks a lot for your time and response!December 22, 2022 at 9:51 am #412336AnonymousGuest
You are very welcome. “This is what I tried until now: talk as from respect because she is my mother’s mom“- she doesn’t deserve your respect. No mother deserves respect for raising a child whom she chooses to repeatedly mistreat!
How about… respect for your mother who, like you, had the misfortune of having this woman (her mother/ your grandmother) in her life, by no longer giving this woman access to you?
anitaDecember 23, 2022 at 5:16 pm #412530JJParticipant
Not my narcissistic, drug addicted family. Pure evil. I am sober and happy and they hate me and wish me dead for it. Grateful for everyday I have on this beautiful earth ♥️December 30, 2022 at 11:20 am #412860AnonymousGuest
How are you, Riri?
anitaJanuary 5, 2023 at 3:49 am #413229
I am really good thank you!
I am working with myself to see that yes, that family member is toxic and doesn’t need my attention.
Thank you very much!!January 5, 2023 at 5:42 am #413230AnonymousGuest
You are very welcome. The question you asked in the title of your thread is: Family is always good? My answer: no. In your original post, you asked: “Am I such a bad person?” My answer is: no, you are not a bad person at all for accurately recognizing that a member of your family is bad, aka toxic. I made such an recognition in the context of my own family, and as a result, I chose to no longer be in contact with that person, a choice I made and kept for close to 10 years.
I hope that you feel comfortable, Riri, to post again anytime you need my input. My best wishes for you in this new year!