October 31, 2018 at 3:45 pm #234855
Hello to all who read this, my name is Allumena I’m 17 years old and I am hoping that someone somewhere out there could help me. I came to this site hoping that someone would understand me, that someone is like me.
I’m REALLY REALLY scared to post this please keep it to yourselves and somehow helping me if you can.
I am dealing with quite a few problems physically, mentally and emotionally.
First there’s my body I have scoliosis,I have suffered from a concussion, I have lymes disease and I have this thing where all these little bumps grow on my skin I forgot the name. I’m in constant pain everyday physically and emotionally and many other things but these are the main ones.
Then there’s mentally, my mind won’t be quiet sometimes I can’t think straight I have these thoughts that drive me crazy, I’m having trouble focusing, I can hardly get past my school work.
Last is emotionally, My parents have technically shut out my older sister and her husband and then have shut out my parents because of something they did that was not too nice to my parents, but I see both sides like why they did this and why they did that and I just can’t understand why they wont do something about it. There’s way more to it then that, that’s just part of it. I hardly see them any more or any of my friends. When I was little we used to have the most amazing Christmases and fun times now I’m not sure even if we are going to have a Christmas or even celebrate it with family.
I’m having trouble letting go of the past, I have not let my dog who passed away and I have not let go of what my dad did to me. When I was little my dad was always getting mad at my mom and I everything I did just seemed to tick him off. If i did not understand him or did something wrong. One day he hit me on my head because I was not being quiet. It made my nose bleeding and I was crying so hard. From then on I have been so scared of him. This is how I got my concussion and I only recently found out I have one. To this day he still gets mad, makes me do things I don’t want to do, yells at me, not as much though. I have been hurt all my life that I’ve shut down, I’m not expressive, I have trouble speaking up, and telling people how I feel, because all my life I was told to shut up, be quiet and if I did not I would usually get punished.
My parents are good, they teach me things, they feed me they put a roof over my head but I don’t think they will ever understand how I feel. I have a pretty good relationship with my mom. I’m NOT SAYING THAT there bad parents, don’t put anything against them. All I want is to know HOW to deal with all this! If anyone can help me that would be so so great. I want help so badly. Anything at all, someone just say something, I don’t know what else to do. I don’t even know how to love anyone anymore. I don’t know where else to go.November 1, 2018 at 4:28 am #234915
I want to understand your situation better, therefore I ask:
1. Regarding your health problems- are you receiving ongoing medical care?
2. Regarding your father, you wrote that “he makes me do things I don’t want to do”- what things?
3. When was the last time your father hit you? Yell at you? What does he say when he yells at you; what words does he say?
I hope you respond and when you do, I will reply to you as soon as I read your next post.
anitaNovember 1, 2018 at 11:18 am #234987
Not really, and I don’t know why. One reason is we don’t have a lot of money.
He makes me go places with him, do things I’m not really sure how to explain it. I’m scared to be around him.
I was very little when he hit me, I remember it very well don’t know what age though maybe 5 or 7 maybe younger. My mom was in the middle my dad was in the drivers seat of a truck I was on the other side, we went moving. I must have done something to really make him want make me quiet that he reached over and hit me.
When I do something wrong or make a mistake or don’t understand him he yells its different every time he says it, some times bad word.
Every day feels the same to me when I wake up, I have this routine everyday every week and I’m so sick of it and I don’t know how to change it, I hardly get out very much.
If it wasn’t for this beautiful animal I met a year ago and adopted I might have not been alive today……… he pretty much saved my life…….. he is like the only friend I got.
I’m just not sure what to do anymore. That’s why I came here.November 1, 2018 at 11:31 am #234989
The school you attend, there are teachers there, a school nurse, a school counselor, a principle, other staff members, please approach one of them. Talk to him or her about your medical conditions and lack of medical care in your life.
There are community resources, free medical care for families that need help. You can get qualified to get the medical care and attention that you need.
You can talk to the school nurse, counselor, teacher, about what happens in your home, any and all problems you experience at home.
If you do talk to someone, post here regarding how that works.
*Did you post here before, repeatedly, under a different username?
November 1, 2018 at 12:19 pm #234997
- This reply was modified 2 months, 3 weeks ago by anita.
I’m actually home schooled.
I don’t think so?
I need some Ideas, something… some sort of help.
Is there anything you can recommend, I don’t know what to do obviously no one in my life is really trying to get help except me but I don’t know what else to do I’ve looked for answers, there hard to find. I have been seeing a certain doctor, but I’m not getting any better… I’ve gotten worse, I have tried to tell people but they just don’t seem to get it, no one will listen they don’t do very much about it. I have looked up websites where people can get some answers or help or something thing, anything thing, this site came up for me. I’m lost, confused, and hurting.November 1, 2018 at 12:58 pm #235005
As much help as sites like these offer, they can be limited only to suggestions. Any kind of real help has to happen where you are at. You mentioned that no one in your life is really trying to help except you. It is great that you are doing something to help yourself and looking for help despite your situation.
What answers are you looking for here?
If it is your thoughts that are bothering you, one suggestion would be to write them down. Writing helps in slowing things down and you are able to see those thoughts objectively.
What are the activities that you do in a day? Having a schedule can give you a feeling of control of some aspects of your life.
Take careNovember 1, 2018 at 1:50 pm #235029
I’m not really sure, hope…. I guess, Ideas of what to do.
I wake up, take care of the animals and the chickens…. let them out, feed them, collect and wash eggs, then I do school work for a while. On the weekends we go over to a friends place to take care of some fish we drain the fish tanks and fill with clean water. They are big fish in a big tank so it take awhile. If it’s nice out and we all have the time we split wood.
Every single day/week
That’s my life, literally … pretty boring.
Occasionally if I get lucky I go some where or do something different.
My parents and adult friends are wandering when I’m going to learn to drive they keep asking not all the time but here and there, I say to them I’m not ready, truth is I’m scared to death to be driving a car, the way my mind is thinking who knows what could happen. When I come of age to drive one what do I do, there is something that will not let me.
There probably are few people who feel this way I don’t know but, I feel like the world does not want me to get better, it just keeps getting worse one thing after the other. I really am sick of living like this, I want something different I just don’t know how.November 1, 2018 at 8:29 pm #235067
At some time of their lives, most people are likely to feel the way that you have described.
What are the thoughts that go over your mind when you go about your daily routines? What are the things that you would like to do and are interested to do? Do you engage in any form of exercise or meditation practices? Do you read books other than school work?
You mentioned about wanting something different. Have you described to yourself what kind of different things you want? On the days that you go somewhere or do something different what is it that you like?
You wrote about your fear of driving. What are the other fears that you have? What you are interested in may be there beyond the fears.November 1, 2018 at 10:10 pm #235073
I do not know how to meditation, although I wish to learn.
I know I should think differently about how I go about my day but that’s so hard, when I’m thinking how much I want to get away and stop doing this and do something I love, something different.
Yes I have. Horses, Dogs, and Cats have always amazed me they are so beautiful they are my passion yet I can get to any of them (expect the one I have…. which I am very grateful for)
My fears are mostly learning to drive and driving and my dad I’m quite scared of him.
I don’t really like reading unless I can imagine with the book and what and see what is going on through my mind…. I can understand it, so to say.
What do you mean by “What you are interested in may be there beyond the fears.”November 2, 2018 at 12:38 am #235075
There are quite a few articles on mindfulness and meditation in this site itself. Once you start practising it, you will experience a shift in the way you think.
Over a period of time you will focus and define what exactly it is that you love. Till then look for those small moments of beauty and enjoy it in the best possible way you can.
In every point of time, there will be some things that are in your control and some things that are not. When thoughts are based only on those things that you can’t control – like past events and what will happen in the future, a feeling of helplessness can set in. On the other hand when you focus on those things that are in your control, then you will experience a sense of freedom and peace.
What type of books have you enjoyed reading so far? I didn’t understand what you wrote here – “I don’t really like reading unless I can imagine with the book and what and see what is going on through my mind.”
What do you mean by “What you are interested in may be there beyond the fears.”
As an example, you mentioned a fear of driving. But let us say, that you learn to drive despite your fears. When you have learnt to drive, you will become more independent and able to go to different places. These will give you opportunities to come in contact with experiences that are different from yours and thus help you grow. You are very young and a life full of enriching experiences awaits you.
Fear of your dad has its origin from your childhood experiences. I understand that you don’t seem comfortable to read anything against your parents. To overcome your fears and what you have been through, you will need to look towards moving away from these childhood experiences that have impacted you so much. That is probably what your first goal should be. Build yourself up to a stage where you can start becoming more independent.November 2, 2018 at 11:04 am #235175
How do I start to be more independent?
When I read a book I don’t just read it I like to imagine the characters and the where they are at and so on for a lot of books I can’t do that so I lose interest. A book about a dog called Saving Zasha I could imagine what is going on, really well.
I guess my fear is not of driving but of my dad, like he does every time when I do something, while I’m driving with him because I’m sure that will happen I’m afraid he will get mad at me if I did not do something right or I did not go in time and now we have to wait for the light or whatever it is.November 2, 2018 at 9:36 pm #235211
What are the words that your dad uses when he gets angry and mad at you? What feelings does his words evoke in you?
Being more independent in your current situation would probably be a greater control of your thought process. To take better charge of your thought process and not let what anyone tells affect the way you feel about yourself for too long. As you keep doing it you will be able to reach a stage where you are able to move away from your family and give yourself a shelter.November 3, 2018 at 3:11 am #235213
Its all be ok. Dont worry. You are not alone.
Here is nice thing that helped me. I hope it make you feel better aswell.
Good luck!)November 3, 2018 at 7:22 pm #235289
When he gets mad and yells at me I feel hatred and very much hurt, I don’t think I have ever loved him in my entire life. I try not to take it personally but it so so hard when it happens every single day. He usually says something like,… well its hard to explain what he says depends on the situation like if I don’t do something fast enough or don’t do it right like this morning he said something like ” who opened the chickens?” then I said ” I did” then he said ” well the gate was closed” then I said” but I had it open” then he said something like ” ah geez” and he walked away and I know he did not believe me at all he never does. Next time he yells at me I will give you the sentence, it happens so often that I cant remember them right now, which is weird because I can’t think of one. I’m just not sure how much more of him I can take, or how to deal with him.November 3, 2018 at 10:27 pm #235291
Your father seems to be exerting a lot of negative influence on you. How is your interaction with other members of your family?
I think it is important to be aware of what is happening when he says something. More important than what he says, it is important to be aware of what is on your mind and the words that you use.
As an example when he implies that he does not believe you maybe your mind is telling you “I am no good” or “I am unable to get things right” etc
No one can affect you by their words completely unless you yourself believe or buy into what is being said. A useful first step is to recognize what is going on in your mind by writing them down.