Dear Allumena:

I want to understand your situation better, therefore I ask:

1. Regarding your health problems-  are you receiving ongoing medical care?

2. Regarding your father, you wrote that “he makes me do things I don’t want to do”- what things?

3. When was the last time your father hit you? Yell at you? What does he say when he yells at you; what words does he say?

I hope you respond and when you do, I will reply to you as soon as I read your next post.

anita

Dear Allumena:

The school you attend, there are teachers there, a school nurse, a school counselor, a principle, other staff members, please approach one of them. Talk to him or her about your medical conditions and lack of medical care in your life.

There are community resources, free medical care for families that need help. You can get qualified to get the medical care and attention that you need.

You can talk to the school nurse, counselor, teacher, about what happens in your home, any and all problems you experience at home.

If you do talk to someone, post here regarding how that works.

*Did you post here  before, repeatedly, under a different username?

anita

Dear Allumena,

As much help as sites like these offer, they can be limited only to suggestions. Any kind of real help has to happen where you are at. You mentioned that no one in your life is really trying to help except you. It is great that you are doing something to help yourself and looking for help despite your situation.

What answers are you looking for here?

If it is your thoughts that are bothering you, one suggestion would be to write them down. Writing helps in slowing things down and you are able to see those thoughts objectively.

What are the activities that you do in a day? Having a schedule can give you a feeling of control of some aspects of your life.

Take care

Dear Allumena,

At some time of their lives, most people are likely to feel the way that you have described.

What are the thoughts that go over your mind when you go about your daily routines? What are the things that you would like to do and are interested to do? Do you engage in any form of exercise or meditation practices? Do you read books other than school work?

You mentioned about wanting something different. Have you described to yourself what kind of different things you want? On the days that you go somewhere or do something different what is it that you like?

You wrote about your fear of driving. What are the other fears that you have? What you are interested in may be there beyond the fears.

Dear Allumena,

There are quite a few articles on mindfulness and meditation in this site itself. Once you start practising it, you will experience a shift in the way you think.

Over a period of time you will focus and define what exactly it is that you love. Till then look for those small moments of beauty and enjoy it in the best possible way you can.

In every point of time, there will be some things that are in your control and some things that are not. When thoughts are based only on those things that you can’t control – like past events and what will happen in the future, a feeling of helplessness can set in. On the other hand when you focus on those things that are in your control, then you will experience a sense of freedom and peace.

What type of books have you enjoyed reading so far? I didn’t understand what you wrote here – “I don’t really like reading unless I can imagine with the book and what and see what is going on through my mind.”

What do you mean by “What you are interested in may be there beyond the fears.”

As an example, you mentioned a fear of driving. But let us say, that you learn to drive despite your fears. When you have learnt to drive, you will become more independent and able to go to different places. These will give you opportunities to come in contact with experiences that are different from yours and thus help you grow. You are very young and a life full of enriching experiences awaits you.

Fear of your dad has its origin from your childhood experiences. I understand that you don’t seem comfortable to read anything against your parents. To overcome your fears and what you have been through, you will need to look towards moving away from these childhood experiences that have impacted you so much. That is probably what your first goal should be. Build yourself up to a stage where you can start becoming more independent.

Dear Allumena,

What are the words that your dad uses when he gets angry and mad at you? What feelings does his words evoke in you?

Being more independent in your current situation would probably be a greater control of your thought process. To take better charge of your thought process and not let what anyone tells affect the way you feel about yourself for too long. As you keep doing it you will be able to reach a stage where you are able to move away from your family and give yourself a shelter.