All my life it seems I have done nothing but rode the never ending emotional family rollercoaster. I am the baby of seven and have always got the bad end of things and constant blame. My father was an alcoholic, my mother worked all the time and has always been negative, my siblings who are much older than me were able to go off and begin their lives and live as they please. One of my brothers was killed when I was six and my parents separated soon after and finally divorced on my 15th birthday.
A lot has happened in years past but fast forwarding to now; my parents are now elder and becoming sickly. I live with my mom and am the only one of the children to keep in touch with my dad. When either are sent to the hospital it’s my responsibility, because I’m the one that both are more comfortable with, to assure all goes well. Not to mention three out of the six of us live in other states, two who recently moved.
Dealing with my mom is a job and a half in itself. My mom is negative, lives in denial she’s sick, and requires my attention 24/7. Just with the emotional abuse alone (I’m not good enough, I’m the never should have been child, the worse one out of the seven, the loser, etc) I’m drained; emotionally and physically drained. Whenever I call my siblings to update them it’s like I’m talking to a brick wall. Two are more concerned about telling me all about them, one goes on about what a bad life she had and will say she feels bad for all I’m dealing with (mostly my mom’s negativity) and after coming here for four days recently, she told my mom she couldn’t deal with her. One who lives close by says she’ll help but if asked to take mom to an appointment she can’t because it might interfere with her girls day/night(s) out. Last one, is the golden child. He is addicted to drugs, has been in trouble with the law multiple times, a thief, and “borrows” money from my mom all the time. Let’s not forget my mom has a car (she never had a license) that she pays for and gave to him, but he can never drive her anywhere.
I’m married and have two young children. I don’t work mainly because of having to take my mom everywhere but also because my husband’s work schedule is unpredictable. I am always having to lug my children with me (all my niece’s and nephews are older and can mind themselves) when taking my mom to and from. My children are involved in activities and other than that suffer from not getting to play with friends often because of my mom’s needs and going to a friends house often doesn’t work because of timing.
I have been seriously thinking about cutting ties with my siblings since all they do is put me down and never lend a hand. Tonight I have been up all night wondering if it’s the right decision or not. Today, my sister who came to visit and could only handle four days, her son came to visit and went off to another part of the state over the weekend for a wedding. He was to return today but after multiple texts and no answer he didn’t show up. I cancelled plans to go to a birthday party (my friend is now mad at me on top) because I anticipated my nephews arrival, assuming he was on the road. As the day neared late afternoon I tried him again and finally got a response he wasn’t coming because he was going to a cookout. My mom made her negative comments and another sister who came to visit him made her snark comments that she could have done her grocery shopping and this was a waste coming over. I got a message on my Facebook and when I opened to check it, first thing I saw was a picture of my nephew and his fiancé at a restaurant. Not thinking but thinking madly I replied to the picture saying, “that’s a tasty cookout!” I have apologized for that. But, my sister, nephews mom, called me and again, I was the bad person for being mad at them for not visiting and I need to realize that they are not entitled to visit me when they’re in town, blah…blah…blah. I didn’t mind if they didn’t come back but what my problem was it that I was told they were coming and didn’t hear otherwise until late in the day and I cancelled plans. I was more worried that they were in an accident or something happened then them coming to visit on their way through. But my sister made me feel so low and basically told me I wasn’t allowed to be worried because I made her child feel bad. It was not my intention and I did apologize and just said I would have appreciated at least a text back sooner than later. My niece, my nephews sister has done the same thing in the past, would say she’s coming to visit and no show, no call until way later. My sister yelled at me for that too and suggested I should have texted my nephew earlier. Once I showed her proof I did text and there was NO response until way later, she had nothing more to say to me. I told her I was sorry I worried and that I understand where I stand in the family, and was sorry for caring.
My nephew I’d getting married and asked my daughter to be his flower girl. Just since my sisters visit I had a gut feeling that my sister could care less if we went, as she’s already uninvited my mom. Now, I really have a pit in my stomach about going but don’t want to upset my daughter who has been looking forward to being a flower girl. I just really feel like we only got an invite just for them to say they sent so many out.
Help!! And I’m really torn over my friend being mad but cam also understand why too. Just Friday evening I was supposed to go over (my plans always get ruined so I hardly make any) bit my mom had an issue with her meds and wasn’t going to be able to get her treatment if I didn’t fix it with the pharmacy…
Please help with advising on whether or not I should just cut ties with my siblings?