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Father diagnosed with cancer

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  • December 17, 2015 at 10:27 pm #89866
    Name
    Participant

    I recently found out that my father has been diagnosed with cancer. I never really understood what that meant. When I first found out it didn’t really bother me. I just figured that cancer is a common thing and people get it often. That it’s just a part of life. But ever since the news I’ve been feeling different. I couldn’t smile or laugh. I couldn’t feel joy in my life. I just felt.. nothing. Even my friends said I wasn’t acting like myself. I don’t know why, but when they told me that and they asked what was bothering me, I got mad at them. I didn’t want to tell anybody my father had cancer. I treated my friends like shit. I directed all my anger towards them. And they don’t even know why. I isolated myself from my friends. I no longer contact them. I feel like I lost them. That I’m now lonely. I feel like the bad guy. The bear in the cave that everybody says to not go near.

    Right now, I’m up late at night unable to find myself asleep. This has been bothering me too much. Keeping me awake. I’m afraid to wake up to another day of this..

    December 17, 2015 at 11:47 pm #89867
    jock
    Participant

    Sorry to hear this news. My partner got cancer a few years ago but recovered. So it depends on the grade or level. The problem for her is the 3 monthly/ 6 monthly check ups to see if it comes back. Cancer can come back and cancer survivors have to live with uncertainty for the rest of their lives.
    My advice would be to be there for your father if you can. Make it a priority. Try to take a pragmatic approach if you can rather than an emotional one.

    December 18, 2015 at 2:17 am #89868
    Andi
    Participant

    It is perfectly normal to feel like this upon hearing your father’s diagnosis, this is pretty heavy news. Try to put your energy from worrying into being strong and helping your father. Talk to him, he is probably scared too. You obviously love him a lot, that is evident by your post.

    Don’t worry, you did not lose your friends. At some point, share what you are going through with them. True friends will understand why you were upset and won’t take it personally. Also sharing your feelings with them might help you cope better. Take care and sending good thoughts to you and your father.

    December 18, 2015 at 4:11 am #89870
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Name,

    What I would do is send a group email, or message each friend individually. Write something like, “Hey guys, I want to apologize for being really s$$tty to everyone this past month. I found out my dad has cancer. I know that’s not an excuse. My reaction has surprised even myself. I’m not good at this, but I will be taking care of Dad for a while if you don’t hear from me.”

    It sounds like you’re young and haven’t experienced any serious health issues with a loved one before. It IS a shock, and an element of unreality does come into play. Be there with and for your dad. Talk to the doctors with him and take notes. When you do research, skim over the scary statistics and write down what you and he CAN do and SHOULD take to beat this. Help him find help at home if it’s really bad.

    Blessings,

    Inky

    December 18, 2015 at 10:12 pm #89926
    Name
    Participant

    Thanks for the help everyone.

    I decided to talk to my friends about it and they understood. Now things have gotten much better. And I feel much better.

    I feel really happy now.

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