As someone who lets fear run the show a lot myself, I can relate. Eckhart Tolle says something like, ‘Anxiety is the fear of the future, and depression is regret about the past. Both prevent us from being in the present moment.’

Your fears have a lot of ‘what ifs’ in them – hopefully you see that many of these fears will probably never come to fruition. So I find myself asking, ‘Why should I worry about something that may or may not ever happen to me?’ As far as no one comparing to the relationship with your ex, how do you know that in 2, 3, or 5 years you won’t meet someone who will make your relationship with your ex pale in comparison? Meaning, it really is a choice as to whether we are excited about the possibilities of our future or fear the worst. You will not be old in a few years. Age is a state of mind, and someone who is 43 is just as deserving of love as someone who’s 23.

I truly believe there is just as much possibility that the opposite outcome will happen for every one of your fears listed. For example:

I WILL be able to love again because am love.
I will not give up and not let others in, because I am a fighter.
I will be happy alone and enjoy new hobbies and have fun learning who I am.
I have learned from this experience, which will help me be a good example for my girls.
Not being in a relationship right now is giving me the ability to focus more on my girls.

In my meditations, as fears arise, such as the one you listed above: “I am afraid to be alone,” I ask: WHY? Perhaps the reason is something like, “I don’t know what I enjoy doing by myself,” which is a relatively easy thing to explore. Perhaps your answer would be, “I don’t want to sit with my thoughts.” Again, question yourself: WHY? I’ve gotten to some real breakthroughs by simply asking Why Why Why Why Why.

When we realize that everything has an ending: jobs, relationships, friendships, youth, pain, loneliness, even life itself, it can help us to be less attached to expectations and instead be thankful for this very moment. And the next, and the next. They’re all a gift! My best to you.

-Dee

• This reply was modified 10 years, 9 months ago by dee.