lexy,

I think it’s just fine to date in order to decide whether you like him or not. To me, that’s the point of dating–getting a feel for someone. Maybe it progresses past dating, maybe it doesn’t. But if you do want to put yourself out there, do it. Easier said than done of course, when you’ve got social anxiety issues and worry about being hurt or not being good enough for someone else.

I myself have avoided dating for longer than 5 years. Haven’t had a serious relationship in 12 years. I avoid doing things due to my feelings that I’m inadequate and will disappoint others or will be disappointed so what’s the point etc etc. I bring this up because facing the fear of being hurt or disappointing someone is the only way to master it. I know this intellectually myself; I just have a hard time getting my emotional self to believe me. I’m scared of dating. Which means I’m replying to your post to offer you some insights, but also to help myself 🙂

Is it possible for you to learn to tolerate the feelings of inadequacy and social anxiety, and be social as best you can anyway? You could practice being in social situations, take small steps like going to a coffee shop and just being around people–people who don’t have any expectation of you. Maybe you do this already?

As far as “going public” goes, that is something that comes after dating. If possible, try to focus on one aspect at a time. However, to address what your/his friends/family might think: there will very likely be intermixing. But what they think is ultimately not the point, even though it’s natural to have concerns about it. What *you* think of a relationship you’re in is the most important. Perhaps friends and family will support you and like him; perhaps they won’t. But the wise, supportive people in your life (if you have them) likely will not judge you for your choice of guy. I have a friend who has been through so many relationships where her boyfriend was destructive and traumatizing her–she’s in one such now. I do not judge her. I help her see how things are from my perspective, and work with her so that she might do what she needs to do. Long story short: good friends won’t throw you to the wolves based on your boyfriend choice.

I don’t think admitting you want a relationship is admitting weakness at all. Admitting that is, to me, strength. People are inherently social. Wanting to be love and be loved is natural. Why do you consider this a weakness, if you want to share?

How did you meet the guy who asked you on a date? I ask myself because I have a terrible time meeting people 😛

Hope this helps.