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Feeling at home

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This topic contains 11 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  anita 1 month, 1 week ago.

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  • #168432

    Claire
    Participant

    i just wanted to say I've been quietly reading in the background, but felt it was time to say hello. Thank you for the site and for being a place that is both interesting and helpful. I can feel a positive vibe/ energy

    I am looking to connect and learn more about the world and what makes us all tick. I'm a spiritual person by nature and a carer of others . Alas I'm not great at looking after me.

    so please say hello –

    #168484

    anita
    Participant

    Hello Claire:

    Glad you posted!

    A “carer of others” but “not great at looking after (yourself)”- I would like to read more from you. How do you care for others and how do you not care for yourself…?

    anita

    #168578

    Claire
    Participant

    Hello Anita, thank you for saying hello. Let's see I'm always looking after others I work in a school with students who have emotional and behavioural issues. I'm naturally a carer and always have been it's my greatest strength and my weakness. I attract people in me who need to talk positive and the negative.

    my mum says if I had a ten pound note and it was my last I'd give it away if I felt someone needed it more then me. I do not see this as a problem most of the time. However it can be draining sometimes, which I do recognise. The bit about me is that sometimes I get lost and my roles as mum, teacher etc are there. I love being these things but sometimes I need to be just me as I am now – when I'm on my own without expectation.

    i know my expectations are self imposed unless it's work when I know generally what I need to do even here I do a lot of different roles within work. I have expectations of me and I'd say more realistic expectations of others.

    Im seeing being here as me time, where I can connect with others. I use to visit a site years ago which was magic a place to talk and just be. It ceased to exist although I do keep in touch with some people who are now friends off line

    #168588

    Peter
    Participant

    Such a irony that our greatest strengths can also be our weakness.
    Thanks for posting

    #168594

    Claire
    Participant

    I've always found it strange how things can be a blessing and a curse. I've had a number of bad experiences that I use a teaching point I guess. I often see the positive in the negative. Not always when in the midst of a storm

    #168598

    Claire
    Participant

    But the sun always surfaces. The rest of my message disappeared.

    #168644

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Claire:

    You wrote: ” know my expectations are self imposed… I have expectations of me and I’d say more realistic expectations of others.”-

    Would you like to elaborate on those expectations you have of yourself, and how/ why they are different from your expectations of others?

    anita

    #168646

    anita
    Participant

    * didn't get submitted correctly…

    #168672

    Claire
    Participant

    My expectations of others are at work I look for the best in people. I encourage to be the best they can be. As for me I'm hard on myself I know that this is a result of a highly protective family, who had high expectations. In essence there isn't anything wrong it that but it means when you fail it's seen as failure rather then an experience to learn from.

    i do care a lot about what others think of me, and over the years have been working on how I see myself. As I say my life experience I use to teach others, as I use the negative experiences to bring a solution.

    thank you for helping me reflect.

    Remember where's there's tea theirs hope

    #168766

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Claire:

    What you are saying is that at work you encourage others to see their mistakes/ poor judgments as opportunities to learn and not as mere failures, so that they don't punish themselves for those. On the other hand, you treat your own mistakes/ poor judgments as mere failures, that is, you punish yourself for those. Am I correct?

    anita

    #171997

    Claire
    Participant

    Anita sorry it’s been a while. I am far easier on other people. I always look for the positive in other people, as the people I deal with on a day to day basis bring a lot of stuff with them. I look at the barriers to learning, life and hopefully support them in their journey to connect and learn. For some they leave us as more rounded individuals and with qualifications they need to.

    As for me I have a good family, however my mum is very critical everything from my hair, weight and anything else she see as me doing wrong. Over the years I have believed her now I’m more rounded as a person and see what my gut tells me. However when I’m very tired my mums voice / critic is harder to silence.

    My mum means we’ll just she hasn’t the filter of compassion at times. I on the other hand are a deeply sensitive soul who attracts people who need to talk. I’m a good active listener and to be honest I’ve always been involved in caring roles.

    I do love being here though as I feel as though I can connect and that’s been a while.

    #172089

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Claire:

    You wrote: “when I’m very tired my mums voice / critic is harder to silence”- it is when we are tired, distressed, physically/ emotionally, that the critical voice (the one doing the mother's bidding, criticizing you) is most active. Expecting this to be so can be helpful, so to counter that voice with reasonable thinking. Also, not exposing yourself to any more criticism by your mother is most important- that inner voice doesn't need any more encouragement from her.

    anita

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