feeling disconnected, social issues

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    I’m 20 years old and since my whole life I have problems connecting with people. I am rather quiet and even with so-called friends, I don’t speak a lot.  I rather feel disconnected from them. When I get an invite for going out or something else, I feel tensed and stressed. For example: I know these people the whole schooltime, and the others seem to be very connected to each other. But I’m someone who seem to be “abnormal” introverted, but I try to hide it.  When other people are laughing, I feel stressed too, maybe because I’m not able to laugh that time and I have to fake my laugh.
    Since my whole life, I have issues to connect with people I know well.  I have this problem even with my family.  When my family is sitting at the table, I also often feel stressed and tensed.  I don’t get this feeling all the time, but around 70% I do get it.

    I also don’t know what to talk with other people. It’s often difficult for me to initiate a deep conversation. (It probably has to do something with my current mental state, because sometimes it’s possible to have a good conversation)

    I would like to know why I do get this feelings and why I have issues with connecting to people?  I feel so damn inhibited, weak and stressed (sometimes even aggressive inside) that I cannot feel upbeat and happy.


    Dear Tom:

    Who in your family hurt you, criticized you, made fun of you, any of these things?



    Hi Tom,

    Introverts don’t like crowds of people. Period. We like one-on-one. And we get energized by isolation. Parties and gatherings deplete us.

    Now, if you can’t connect with people one-on-one, that’s a whole other issue.

    Sometimes having a task can calm us down. A mission. A reason why you’re there.

    I have this too, and I get anxiety calling my freaking own friends to come over and get together. Early rejection could be the reason why, even if we don’t remember it or blocked the memory. All I can say is even if they say “No”, people like to be invited. Keep inviting, keep giving, keep helping. That is the deep conversation.




    Is it possible that some of your tenseness could be coming from the fact that you don’t feel the same or as comfortable as the other people around you and it might feel like something is wrong with you? If you are introverted, I think it’s pretty normal to feel anxiety when you have an event coming up. I get that feeling, too, even though I know it’s with people I know well and generally feel comfortable around, I still feel anxious leading up to the event. I think that part is normal.

    If your focus is on the fact that you don’t feel upbeat and happy and you feel resistant to the fact that you naturally have a more introverted/anxious situation, that can create more resistance… fighting against who you are makes you feel even worse, and that could be part of what is making you feel so much tension, especially if you’re focusing on the fact that you DON’T feel upbeat and happy… focusing on what you don’t want makes you feel more of it. Does that make sense or is any of this resonating with you?

    If possible, I would talk to a counselor. They can help you work through your feelings of anxiety, teach you tools to be able to handle those feelings in order to feel more comfortable, and help you work through any blocks you may have that may be keeping you from being able to truly connect with people.

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