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- This topic has 11 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 2 months ago by
Eliana.
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January 25, 2018 at 9:09 am #188913
AnnmarieParticipantI come from a family full of dysfunction, abuse and alcoholism. Making a very long story short, my father died and he was the sane one in the family. Things slowly unraveled after that. I couldn’t handle my mother anymore and told her I wanted an apology for the horrible things she had said to me recently. She refused. I then divorced my mother, brother and sister. That was over 2 years ago. I saw a therapist for it because I was confused that I felt good about it! She said you can pick your family. So I feel really good.
Here’s my problem. I feel homeless. I moved back to where I grew up and stayed there a year until I realized I had made my peace with my past. It was what is was and nothing was going to change. One day I drove by my old house and along the lakefront. I cried and let it go.
I moved a little further away. I work at home and I feel pretty isolated. I did some volunteer work that I kept getting slapped around with it. I went to yoga and tried to make friends by asking people out for tea afterwards. One woman actually looked at me and asked, “Do I know you?” Heart braking after I had just introduced myself. I’m not making any friends. I’ve never had trouble making friends. Ever. It’s not happening here and I feel extremely isolated in farm country. I’ve always be an introvert and love spending time by myself. It took a long time to get there.
So, I’m at the point where I have to decided where to go. My lease is up in May. The apartment I have is insanely expensive for what I’m getting. How do I decide on where to go? I love the beach. There’s something about water. I love being by wonderful options like great restaurants, health care, culture, and airports (I love to travel). Cities are wonderful. I’ve been in Chicago a lot of my adult life, but home isn’t there. I know I can always move again if I don’t like a place, but I’m 52. I’d love to start dating again, get involved in my community, and put down roots. In the past 2 1/2 years, I’ve lived in 5 different places in the same area. The good news is I’ve streamlined my “stuff”. I can pack up in under an hour.
I’m not grounded – literally and figuratively. Any suggestions on how to find a place to create a home? Thanks.
January 25, 2018 at 9:40 am #188933
AnonymousGuestDear Annmarie:
Some of my thoughts:
A city reads more like a home for you, more than a farm place. A city where people are more likely to be open to friendly interactions with strangers. Rents are more expensive than non cities. Living with roommates in a city can work, or not. Weather is another consideration: what would feel more like home, a Southern California weather (cool and dry by the beach, warm to hot and dry in the valleys, or Florida weather, hot and humid… And of course, employment, if you need to be employed.
Once you do settle elsewhere, it will not be perfectly home, of course. Social interactions is the crucial aspect of a home feeling. Maybe a place where people meet in person for support groups may be an option, for that immediate sense of connection to others.
Big shopping centers, there is that feel of lots of people around, a relief in itself from loneliness and isolation, at least when first arriving to a city and before successfully socializing.
anita
January 25, 2018 at 9:53 am #188941AnnmarieParticipantThanks Anita. I have my own business and work at home, so I can go anywhere. Being 52, no desire for a roommate.
I agree that social interactions are best and that’s much easier in a city.
Washington, DC has been in the mix. I haven’t been there since I was 19, but I love politics too. Close to the beach and right on the river.
You’re helping to make this easier.
January 25, 2018 at 10:06 am #188963AnonymousGuestDear Annmarie:
Great advantage, working from home when moving. Washington DC, so the cold weather doesn’t bother you. How will the politics there benefit you- attending rallies and such, volunteering or actually running for something?
Another consideration: traffic and public transportation. Living in Southern California, as I have was very frustrating when stuck in traffic day after day…
Public transportation, when I lived in New York City made me feel at home, not having to have a car and the responsibilities, expenses, traffic tickets involved in owning and driving my own vehicle.
anita
January 25, 2018 at 10:40 am #188987AnnmarieParticipantThe cold doesn’t bother me. It’s much colder here in the Chicago area that DC. I’d like to volunteer for a non-proft. Maybe 10 hours a week. I did a lot of fundraising in Chicago and I loved it. Also volunteered on the children’s floor at the Rehabilitation Institute of Chicago. When you see kids in little wheelchairs who just lost limbs, it changes your world. I do love the occasional rally as well. The Women’s March in Chicago was just this past weekend. I’m only an hour away now.
A car is rough in any city. I’d still keep mine. When I lived in downtown Chicago by the lake I had a car and it was a pain. Tickets. Getting towed. Not being able to find a spot. I read DC has a great public transportation and it’s so walkable like Chicago or NY.
January 25, 2018 at 10:49 am #188991AnonymousGuestDear Annmarie:
If Wash DC offers more or better suited for you volunteering opportunities for non profit and for children than elsewhere, that is an advantage for you (and for those helped). Political events do take place more in Wash DC than elsewhere, I figure.
Reads like not having a car will be a benefit as well. Maybe you do some thorough research of Wash DC’s public transportation. That would be a big deal for me.
* Will be back to the computer in about sixteen hours. I hope you get replies from others as well. I will be curious to read those when I return.
anita
January 25, 2018 at 11:39 am #189003AnnmarieParticipantThanks!
January 26, 2018 at 6:50 am #189151AnonymousGuestDear Annmarie:
You are welcome. And congratulations, by the way, for divorcing (the verb you used) a few family members who mistreated you, I understand. Few people have the courage to do that and I admire you for it.
anita
February 1, 2018 at 7:32 am #190079
ElianaParticipantHi Annmarie,
I used to live in Washington DC, and had a hard time there. It was hard to make friends. Unless you are in Congress, a politician, or someone who actually works in politics, you are pretty much ignored. The first question I was always asked was “so what kind of work do you do”? When I would go to a cafe on the River, it was very crowded, nobody really talks to you, and they are aloof and distant if you try to talk to them. Everthing is centered around politics. No one wants to talk about anything else. I did not stay there for long. But that was my experience. Yours might be different.
People are very, very friendly, open and warm in Florida. Many are transplants and want to meet people. I would walk on the beach and people would come up and talk to me, or I would be in the Jacuzzi, and people would ask me to play tennis with them. I lived in Sarasota, then the St. Petersburg/Clearwater area. There is always a nice breeze that cuts down on the heat and humidity that comes from the ocean. It’s gorgeous there. By the water, and very easy to meet nice people. Just some suggestions. I wish you the best of luck on whatever you decide. x
February 1, 2018 at 11:00 am #190149AnnmarieParticipantThis is great info. I work at home. One of my clients is a recruiter for attorneys. I do a lot of recruiting in DC since it has the highest concentration of lawyers in the US. I do volunteer for the local DNC chapter here as well as the library as a reading tutor. I love politics, but I’m not “in” politics.
Thanks for the FL idea. I do LOVE the beach! I lived in Tallahassee for a few years and hated it, but I consider that part of FL to be GA in it’s weather and terrain. I haven’t been to the Tampa/St Pete area for awhile. I get worried I’d get bored. I was never bored when I lived in Chicago. Beach, museums, theater, movies, restaurants. I only have the beach now in a small town and I’m pulling my hair out.
February 1, 2018 at 11:07 am #190151
MarkParticipantFebruary 1, 2018 at 12:36 pm #190177ElianaParticipantHi Annmarie,
They have all this there, museums, art, theater, beautiful restaurants, top 10 beaches in the country, everything. Not too mention, some of the best looking men anywhere..lol..
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