Feeling insecure

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    Josephine Donnan

    I’m scared of rejection. I’m scared that if I show people who I really am they won’t like me. I’m scared of showing my interest in people in case they think I’m overbearing, or annoying, or trying way too hard. Why am I scared of these things? Maybe it stems from the fact that I’ve never felt particularly good at anything, or particularly beautiful, or intelligent, or just special in general. I’m not completely happy with myself, which makes me feel that no one else would be either. I don’t want to feel this way. I want to love myself and be able to be vulnerable with other people, so that I can forge those deep relationships that I desire. What can I do to change?



    Perhaps check out Brene Brown’s TED talk “The Power of Vulnerability”. It may help you find what you’re looking for.

    With warmth,


    Hey there, please don’t change yourself for others. I tried and trust me, it screwed almost everything in my life. They still judge you. Don’t feel bad about yourself. You’re unique the way you. To be loved or liked by something you don’t have to be good at something, you have to be you, the real you. Just stay the way you are. Who knows! Perhaps there is no as unique as you. Guess what? I showed some persons whom I believed to be admiring me a lot but what happened? They left. I was depressed for a long time. Then I realised that they weren’t real at all. It’s fine if you haven’t have anyone who admires you or something but never ever feel hesitated to express yourself. Maybe there’s at least 3 or 4 persons out of 100 to like you the way you are. Just be yourself and learn new things. Try to improve yourself but never try to change yourself. You’re beautiful the way you are. Sooner or later, you’ll come across the people who love and accept you for who you are. Trust me, nothing stays for permanent. You’ll get people who love you for eternal and accept you with whole heart. Never stop yourself from expressing yourself. If they think you’re annoying or something like that, they’re not that brilliant to understand you that’s it. Never feel low about yourself. Start loving yourself and you’ll find people who love you. See the good qualities within you. You’re nice, you’re sensitive and so on. God bless you.


    Hello Josephine,
    Sorry to hear you’re feeling a little insecure / uncertain about who you are, and what you can offer the world. Chaitra is right – each of us is unique – we each have our own gifts and talents that we’re given. Our responsibility is to uncover those gifts, find our inner voice, and figure out our unique offerings.

    Start asking questions to prompt those thoughts in your mind such as, “what are the things that make me come alive?”, “what brings my soul joy?”, “what’s the one thing I’m super-good at doing?”, or “what are my superpowers?”

    If you’re interested, a couple of options:

  • I wrote an article for an online magazine that I’d love to send you the link to, but TinyBuddha forums don’t seem to allow links, so if you’re interested, do email me at saiisha[at]rocketmail.com
  • I have an offering called “Discover Your Dharma and Live Your Life With Purpose”. If you’re interested, you should find it under “Work With Me” on my website. You’ll find the link to my website if you click on my Profile / picture.

    Once you find your own voice, you won’t have to worry about rejection, or approval. You’ll attract the right people who you’re intended to help.

    And I’d love to help you find your Purpose!
    Namaste, Saiisha


Hello Josephine,

Just to reiterate what others have said: we are all unique and that’s what makes us special. However, I truly believe that we have a primary self and a disowned self. Our primary self is what we’ve established to survive. Our primary self may have developed as a coping mechanism or may have come as a response to difficult situation in our life. For example, someone who really loves being in deep relationships wants to be alone and act like they don’t want anyone. Our disowned self, then, is the self that wants to connect with other people. There’s a member of tinybuddha who wrote an excellent article on this: http://www.voicedialogue.com/understanding-relationships/

It’s also true that we attract others who are similar to us or have qualities that we have desire in ourself. So, the more you are being authentic self, the happier you will be and you will attract the same type of people. Be yourself. Anyone who minds how you are doesn’t matter and anyone who matters won’t mind how you are. Besides, if you “change” or “fake” being something you aren’t, sooner or later that will fade and the other person will see how you really are and they may leave. However, if you’re being yourself from the beginning, then there most likely won’t be any dramatic changes. Don’t rush into anything just because the connection is nice. Let your relationships develop naturally and with time, open up slowly and allow yourself to be vulnerable.


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