April 28, 2020 at 11:52 am #351916MariaParticipant
Hi, I’m a 20-year old.
I don’t know if this is the right place to write my feelings out but I’ll try!
I was always really introverted and shy. I had moments where I would be outgoing and fun .I used to have a stable group of girlfriends too even tho I was really quiet. My introverted nature started becoming more obvious after I turned 14. I locked myself into my room and wouldn’t leave it. My mother started becoming worried and started saying things I she didn’t mean (which probably made me even more introverted than I already was). I started having problems in school. My grades were really low. I cut ties with my friendship group in high school. I claimed that they mocked and bullied me for my height (i’m 5 feet). I also cut ties with my best friend. We knew each other for 7 years. Our home situation was such a mess. My grandfather was disabled and in hospital (he died in 2017). During that time my I spend my entire free time in my room. I was on my phone a lot. Even when we were sitting at the table, eating lunch. My mother even told my that she was going to send me to a psych ward if the situation wasn’t going to change.
At 17 I was diagnosed with Turner-Syndrome. I was in 11th grade at that time(this was in 2017). My teachers started telling me that I’m painfully shy and quiet. I remember one teacher who commented on my behavior at a meeting. I still have this statement in the back of my head : “you have such a wall around you. It’s like a wall full of bricks. You don’t interact with none of your classmates. You don’t show people who you really are”.
There was another teacher, my English teacher. She captured my heart very easily. She started at me multiple times. When she found out about my P. E exam. She probably knew that I was anxious and wanted to give me a sign through making eye contact. She also stared at me when a classmate cracked a joke and I was laughing. I noticed that she was wearing a necklace of the “tree of life”. She was also wearing a white flower in her hair constantly. She told us that she practiced Tai Chi which made her even more interesting to me. I believe that she was the catalyst of my spiritual awakening. I am an Empath and a highly sensitive person.
From 2017-2019 I started having suicidal thoughts. I constantly kept saying on how I didn’t fit in and never will. I started deleting social media.
Is all of this normal? Or am I crazy?
Thanks for reading!April 28, 2020 at 12:50 pm #351950anitaParticipant
I understand that you are living at home, with your mother. I don’t know how often your mother verbally attacked you (“My mother started.. saying things she didn’t mean… My mother even told me that she was going to send me to a psych ward”).
Did your mother stop verbally attacking you three years ago when you were diagnosed with Turner Syndrome (at 17) or is she still verbally attacking you from time to time?
I hope that you are seeing a medical doctor regularly so to monitor your condition.
I am wondering about your spiritual awakening: how did you feel and behave differently during your spiritual awakening?
anitaMay 1, 2020 at 5:13 am #352466RaviParticipant
I am an empath, an HSP, and that is the reason I can relate to people’s problems on this site or otherwise.
I am also shy and introvert. For shyness and social anxiety I suggest you to read this book-
How to Be Yourself: Quiet Your Inner Critic and Rise Above Social Anxiety. By Ellen Hendriksen
Just quickly write it down somewhere before it gets submerged under other posts.
What is the spiritual awakening you had? And do you say you are still a spiritually awakened person?