December 3, 2013 at 2:05 pm #46152
Lately I’ve been feeling really lonely.
I know I’m supposed to be okay on my own, that I need to be comfortable with myself before I can be comfortable in a relationship. And I think I am fairly comfortable with myself – I have improvement to do, as I’m sure everyone does, but I think I’m alright enough on my own.
But I keep feeling like the longer I go on being alone, that there’s more of a chance that I actually will end up alone. I’m not the type of girl that really gets guys’ attention – I don’t really stand out from other girls, so why would someone just decide to choose me unless I choose them?
I just feel like I’m getting passed by too much. I’ll be interested in a guy, only to find out he likes someone else, and then I feel like I just can’t compete, especially since the girl he likes is usually a mutual friend, and I don’t want to start any drama.
People always say, “the right person will show up someday,” and such, but what if he doesn’t? Aren’t there people who live alone for their whole life? I’m scared that will be me. It’s not that I’m not comfortable being alone, but what if someday comes and I no longer have anyone to share the happy times and the sad times with?
There’s a guy I like now, but I feel like there are so many other girls that he could like, and that could like him back. I don’t want to rush anything, but I can’t help feeling like the longer I wait, the greater the chances of him ending up with someone else.
Any advice? Thanks… 🙂December 3, 2013 at 2:38 pm #46153SandyParticipant
I think its OK to be pro active in finding a mate. I don’t believe we are meant to be alone. I also believe that you should check your motives. Are you just lonely ? Are you avoiding something and need a distraction? If not, then I would invite him to have coffee or a drink and just talk. Keep it light and try not to have any expectations. I am only sharing my experience with you , I am certainly no relationship wizard. I am currently taking a break from relationships due to NOT checking my motives ( i was avoiding dealing with something) and I hurt someone in the process. I wish you well.
SandyDecember 3, 2013 at 5:35 pm #46162
Hi Sandy, thanks for the reply.
Do you think it’s alright to ask him even if part of my motivation is loneliness? I still am interested in him because of him, not only because of loneliness, but I don’t want to rush anything if being lonely isn’t a very good motivation.
I think you’re right about the expectations – I don’t want to be disappointed if nothing comes of it!
Thank you so much for the reply and the well wishes!December 3, 2013 at 5:40 pm #46163SandyParticipant
I think regret is worse, go for it.December 3, 2013 at 6:59 pm #46166RubenParticipant
Hey Singer. =)
I agree with Sandy’s advice. You should go for it. Some guys aren’t as confident as they seem on the exterior and this guy might be waiting for you to show some sort of interest in him before he does anything. And I think inviting him to have coffee or a drink and just talk is the perfect thing to do.
Also, you definitely do not need to worry about “living alone for your whole life”, because you seem like you’re actively seeking social connections. Don’t focus on the “what ifs”. Just relax, don’t take yourself too seriously, and I absolutely believe that you will be just fine.
CarlDecember 3, 2013 at 9:24 pm #46178JosephParticipant
Sorry to hear that you feel lonely, I have been there myself and it’s not a good feeling. A couple of things I would advise.
The whole concept of being ok with being alone to me is more about knowing yourself and not relying on others for determining your own self worth. For example of being poorly differentiated. A guy you like smiles at you, you think you are hot stuff. Next day he does not pay attention to you so now you question your attractiveness.
If you want to be with some else because you are lonely, board, horny etc… That’s totally ok and perfectly healthy. You just need to be good accepting yourself regardless of what other people may or may not do. If you had to be with someone to consider yourself lovable, that could be a problem.
And you certainly don’t need to wait to be chosen. I wish more girls would have been forward with me. But that said you know you don’t have to limit yourself to your social circles. You may actually enjoy online dating. It worked for me and my wife 🙂
Go out have fun, and just be open to experiences you might enjoy and be straight up with the guys, you are looking to meet people and enjoy their company and see what happens.
Great advice by the other posters.December 4, 2013 at 1:41 pm #46200
Thank you guys for the replies! I think I will go for it, albeit I’m going to go a bit slowly, because right now I’m afraid things will fall apart if I go too fast. We have plenty of time!
I like your explanation of “being okay alone” – that makes a lot more sense to me and is a lot more reassuring than thinking it means I have to be okay living alone! It’s also good to know that I probably don’t have to worry about that in the first place.