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Feeling lost

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  • #110995
    colby
    Participant

    Ok, this is my first post, so bear with me. In 2009, I finally moved out of my parents house, and into my own place. I am aware that this is progress, however, since then, I seem to be stuck. I now feel like I should have gotten a place out in the country, instead of moved into a house in town, that my family already owns. Now I feel like things are closing in around me, and all I can do is stay away from people the best I can. I have tried getting out and meeting people in the past, but that has only ended in failure, and I’m not sure I want to head into that again. For now, I do have a habitat that I maintain in my backyard, so I don’t know if that’s keeping me from going completely psychotic or if its holding me here. I’m not sure if its related, but I even went through a period where I didn’t even want to sleep in my own house for a few months. Has anyone here had any experience even vaguely similar? If so, what can I do?

    #111009

    Hi Hippyman,

    Yes, I have been in places where I had the sense of the walls closing in around me, and it was indeed because I felt stuck in other areas of my life, not because there was anything inherently “wrong” with where I lived. What got me out of that place (both physically and mentally), was first recognizing where I was stuck. For me, it was my job (I hated where I worked), my finances (I was deeply in debt at the time), and my social circle (the people who I surrounded myself with were not very compatible or supportive). At the time this was very overwhelming, and more than I could bear, but with the assistance of my family and others, I started taking small steps everyday to break out of where I was. (As the old saying goes, “how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.”) I got rejected a lot by prospective employers, potential friends, and missed out on several opportunities…but I was persistent and eventually I saved enough money to move, got a new gig, and met some wonderful new souls who I have in my life to this day.

    So take on what you can in the meantime but work toward the ultimate goal of moving on. Sounds like gardening has brought you a lot of comfort, but is also bolstering the message in your mind of “well, guess I’m stuck here.” Maybe do this, keep tending to the backyard, but start putting plants in pots that can come with you when you get your new home. Buy some outdoor furniture that could be used for entertaining when you invite your new friends over (nevermind the fact you haven’t met them yet). See what that does? By making these tiny changes to your space, you are setting into motion bigger changes and demonstrating to yourself that you are capable of moving forward, even if you can’t make the leap of moving…yet. I don’t know what your feeling are about things like feng shui or space clearing (I’m not 100% sold on it), but there’s a lot of truth to the overall concept our space is a reflection of ourselves.

    I hope that helps! Best of luck to you. Don’t be afraid to reach out to a professional therapist if possible. Often when we’re stuck there are deeply rooted fears and reasons we are unable to break free. They may be able to assist you in identifying those issues so you can work through them.

    #111031
    colby
    Participant

    Actually, gardening isn’t really my thing. My habitat consists more of wild animals that I’ve kind of tamed. Thats why I highly doubt I could take them with me. My past is a whole issue in itself, but I’ll get into that later.

    #111032

    Ah, my mistake. Well, is there something else you could take with you? Or is it part of what you’re trying to escape? You just called out spending a lot of time in this habitat so I assumed it was a source of comfort for you, but maybe its only virtue is it’s not your house!

    Unpacking your past can take awhile…but once you do you feel so much lighter, which will definitely help you move on.

    #111063
    HealingWords
    Participant

    Hello, I do understand the feeling of being stuck, I still live with my parents in the suburbs and it has driven me insane wanting to move out into the country to be around more wildlife rather than people, but having to be realistic about it.

    I think it would be helpful to understand what you feel stuck about, is it just that you don’t enjoy living where you are? Why do you not want to live in the house, what about it makes you uncomfortable? Do you not enjoy the town you live in, or have a sense of community? Have you tried saving money or finding jobs that you feel like you would enjoy in an area that you like living in? Or do you want to learn to consider where you live now a home?

    I can understand that even though you do not like the house you live in now, you have created a safe place with the tamed animals, leaving them would be like leaving your friends behind. Thats hard, but I think you need to decide what is more important in your life, what are your priorities and it may come down that you just want to be in an entirely different location, and you can always make new friends, whether human or not. Or maybe you want to stay and learn how to make that house and town your home.

    #111064
    colby
    Participant

    I’m not sure whether its the house, or the town that I despise more. I think part of the problem could stem from the fact that my little brother got killed here. If that was the case though, why would that cripple me to the point that I feel I can’t travel on my own?

    #111068
    HealingWords
    Participant

    Alright, so it might be that there is a negative atmosphere tied to the house, regardless of whether or not you consciously think about it. That in itself is a very tragic thing and it may be tied to your lose. Have you felt that you have healed from that experience?
    Now that could mean that you need to shift that atmosphere to a positive one, remembering the good time you shared with your brother or the happy times that had in general. I know that someone passing away so tragically can be hard to move away from, and you do need to let yourself heal no matter how long that will take. You also need to understand that you are still alive and your brother would want you to live the life you wanted and if that means move on, then you should move on.

    Now if you truly feel that you want to travel, not to escape from you past or the town or anything, your past may be keeping you there because you do not have closure, or you could have just lost confidence to travel alone because it is a scary thing to go places alone not knowing anyone. With that, you need to heal and be patient with yourself. You may need to wait until you build back yourself or you may just need to take that risky jump and see what happens. Like I said, you need to determine your own priorities and work toward everyday, listen to what you think is the best choice to do that.

    #111070
    anita
    Participant

    Dear hippyman:

    You wrote yesterday: ” My past is a whole issue in itself, but I’ll get into that later.” Is “later” today?

    Your little brother got killed- how tragic. Do you think it may be a place, here, to tell about this tragedy in your life?

    anita

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