Dear lostsoul86:

You don’t deserve loneliness and misery. I relate to much that you wrote. I didn’t deserve it either. Like you, I felt inadequate, but that too, in retrospect, wasn’t true. I was adequate.

Would you like to share about your childhood- how was that like?

anita

Dear lostsoul86:

This is a very traumatic childhood, when your parents argue a lot; when your father suffered depression and tried to kill himself; when you were repeatedly bullied at schools you attended and probably had no one to help you at home, since your parents were busy with their mental illnesses and arguments.

This means you were a lonely child and very much in pain. Losing your eyesight doesn’t help your feelings of inadequacy, which you mentioned in your original post here.

For me to understand your current situation better, I ask: are you 30 years old? Do you live alone or with family? Do you work…What is your current relationship with your mother? Your father?

anita

Dear lostsoul86:

Are your parents no longer arguing? Is your father no longer depressed?

What is a “good relationship” with your parents mean to you?

anita

Dear lostsoul86:

It’s good they don’t argue anymore and it is also good that you like the relationship you currently have with them. I sure hope your quest to find a love partner will materialize. I remember very well how lonely I was, for so many, many years. I used to watch couples on the street, holding hands while I was alone, evening after evening, day after day. I used to day dream during the day, of a love story I was in.

You wrote that you tried internet dating. Did it involve you posting a Profile on the dating website? If so, what did you write in your profile? Maybe you can try internet dating again, with a more effective Profile and strategy…?

anita

Hi there healedsoul86,
First off I would like to offer my congratulations on surviving all of that trauma during your childhood. It’s good to see that you have a good relationship with them. Second of all would be whenever you see “happy” couples to take it with a grain of salt, especially on social media. It does not matter whether it is in real life or on the internet, people make sure to present their “best face” when it comes to what they have in their lives. One suggestion I have for you and it worked wonders for me was doing a Facebook “cleanse” where you still keep your profile, but stay offline from it. You contact your close friends by phone or text. Also you stay strong when Facebook starts spamming your email telling you what you are missing or how it misses you. After some time has passed, you will not miss it and you may log back in and just roll your eyes at everything you see or you may just start a new chapter in your life and unplug from social media entirely. The choice is yours. All the best.
Thank you and take care,
-AP85

Dear lostsoul86:

Lost souls think everyone else has a good life, loving relationships. When you are a …found soul, you realize that everyone else is a lost soul.

When you see people smiling, you think they are always smiling- not so. A moment of smiling is not the same as a life of happiness. When you see an affectionate couple, it is not the same as a happily-ever-after love story. What seems is not what is.

Your last four words above are “never get any answers”-

What are your questions?

anita