Menu

Financial manipulation?

Home→Forums→Emotional Mastery→Financial manipulation?

New Reply
Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • August 13, 2025 at 1:42 am #448505
    ManagoFandango
    Participant

    I’m engaged to be married in a month to my boyfriend. From where I’m from it is customary for the parents of the newlyweds to gift them with a sum of money, on which both set of parents usually agree. My MIL kept telling us that she wants to meet with my parents to speak about the sum. She didn’t call or text, just told us. I spoke to my mother about this and she invited her over to a barbeque to talk and have some fun outdoors. The MIL accepted at first only to cancel forty five minutes prior to the event(no reason was given). My parents prepared everything so we had the barbeque just us and my sister with her husband. At the event they told us that they can afford a sum of 10k for our weeding, the same sum that they gave to my sister one year prior. We were very grateful. After this the MIL kept pestering my BF to tell him the sum(although she could have called my mom or dad and asked, as it wasn’t a secret). He told him and 2 days after she transfers into his account 4 times the sum my parents proposed as a gift for the wedding. My BF doesn’t want to decline but I feel uneasy to accept so much money from her because although I have tried my best I don’t like her and I think that she will somehow try to manipulate us with this or make my parents feel bad. I don’t want my parents to go into debt for my wedding if they match my MILs gift and also it will be extremely unfair to my sister. I have a high paying job, my Bf also and we can pay for the wedding.
    My BF told me that if he feels that the money come with strings he will return them to my MIL. The thing is that I feel very dirty accepting money from someone that I don’t like, maybe if the sum was the same as my parents I would have felt that it’s equal…. I don’t know. I also feel that the money might be dirty as she takes care of a rich much older desperate man(boyfriend of hers but she does’t admit, as she talks sh*t about him when he’s not around) and he put all his houses and stuff he had under her name in order for her to take care of him.
    I don’t know how to manage this and I don’t want this to get between me and my soon to be husband.

    August 13, 2025 at 9:28 am #448520
    anita
    Participant

    Hello ManagoFandango:

    It makes complete sense that you’re feeling uneasy. This isn’t just about money — it’s about emotional dynamics, power, and fairness. You’re trying to protect your relationship, your values, and your family’s dignity, all at once. That’s a lot to carry.

    Your instinct to question the gift is wise. When generosity feels like it might come with strings — especially from someone you don’t trust or feel safe with — it’s not just a financial issue, it’s a boundary issue. You’re not being ungrateful; you’re being discerning.

    * If your MIL-to-be is the same person you shared about back in December 2022, then it seems likely that this financial gift will come with strings attached.

    It’s also deeply thoughtful of you to consider how this might affect your parents and your sister. You’re honoring equity and emotional safety, not just appearances. That’s integrity.

    With care, Anita

    August 21, 2025 at 9:37 am #448850
    ManagoFandango
    Participant

    Hello, dear Anita

    Thank you for your kind words. I spoke to my parents about this situation and we had a nice family moment with hugs and tears. I felt I needed to tell them just in case the MIL wanted to make a scene or something. I also told my fiancee, that we will give the money back the moment she will try to impose something on us. She is his mom and he feels bad rejecting a gift from her, but we agree on the strings attached part.
    Thanks for letting me vent. You are a very nice and caring person, and I hope that all the good things you do will come back to you! <3

    August 21, 2025 at 9:58 am #448852
    anita
    Participant

    Dear ManagoFandango:

    Thank you for sharing this update. It sounds like you navigated a complex emotional terrain with such grace and clarity. That moment with your parents—hugs, tears, truth—feels like a healing ripple in a situation that could’ve easily stayed knotted in silence. You gave it air, and it softened.

    I deeply respect the way you and your fiancé are holding both honesty and boundaries. It’s not easy to acknowledge the emotional weight of a “gift” when it comes with strings, especially from someone so close. But your clarity—your willingness to return it if it’s weaponized—is powerful. It says: we are building something rooted in mutual respect, not obligation.

    And thank you for your kind words to me. I receive them with warmth. You’re not just venting—you’re modeling emotional integrity in real time. I hope you keep trusting your instincts. They’re strong and wise.

    You’re not alone in this. Keep claiming your space. 💛

    Anita

  • Author
    Posts
Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.