Hi Jaques,

Just wanted to tell you that you are not alone. I felt the same way growing up, I always had a hard time with fitting in and it caused a lot of anxiety and depression. I struggled with it for years and used alcohol as well as anti-depressants to avoid my insecurities. Eventually I stopped because like you, I knew I was just suppressing my emotions and prolonging my issues, so I decided to face my fears and insecurities. I’m still in the process and it’s probably the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. Like you, I feel really disconnected from society–we live in a world of illusion and it is so easy to get caught up in things like appearance, money, social status, etc. but that really is not who we truly are. For a long time I tried to find things outside of myself to make me happy (by focusing on my appearance, being in relationships), but you are right, they don’t make you happy because true happiness only comes from within. I’ve always felt a deep connection with nature and animals as well, so that has been therapeutic for me. I have been practicing meditation which has also been really helpful–often times when we able to silence everything else in our lives, we can find the answers from within ourselves. I know that learning to love and accept myself is the key to my happiness–I feel that once I fully embrace myself, everything else will just fall into place. I have learned that it takes time and patience, as well as persistence. But being aware, like you are, is the first step to change. Have compassion for yourself for realizing this and hang in there. You can do it!

Thanks Matt, I really appreciate it! I will check it out 🙂

• This reply was modified 11 years, 4 months ago by kaya.

Thank you so much for starting this topic Jacques!

Just like you, it gives me courage as well to know that there are other people like me out there. It makes me feel better, because as you know it’s tough being the way you are and constantly believing that there’s something wrong with you. I am so so happy to read your posts, they do make my heart warm so much! So thank you ^_^
For me, the biggest issue in life is my self esteem. When you go through certain battles in your life and you make it through, you certainly don’t go out undamaged. For me that damage has been so big that I always always feel that people will look down on me or not accept me. :/ as you mentioned in your previous posts my journey is also a loners one meaning that my friends and family don’t think the way I do which makes it even harder for me.
And my whole life I’ve been encouraged to change instead of embracing who I really am. The moment when you stop behaving the way everybody else does, you become weird, and there is definitely something wrong with you. I regret every moment of my life that I’ve spent believing this, because there’s not one bit of truth in that.
It’s always been easier for people to judge you rather than understand you, but that’s what makes weak people feel good about themselves.

Sometimes I believe we are already living out our purpose without even realizing it or knowing what it is. And I firmly believe that not knowing what your purpose is doesn’t mean you don’t have any. I’m sure I’m already living my purpose even though I can’t quite put my finger on it just yet.
I know the theory, being yourself makes you free and inspires others and there’s no greater good than that, but putting it into practice is the tricky part. You certainly make it easier, so once again thank you for every word you’ve written as it means a lot to a young girl at the end of the world 🙂

I’m not a victim, I’m a survivor 😉

Hugs ^_^